How to find a spiritual mentor? Does a person need a spiritual mentor? Spiritual mentor in the Orthodox Church.

Choosing a confessor and a parish is not easy. Here, not only the circumstances common to everyone play a role, but also the personal characteristics of a person: his interests, habits and much more. Spiritual life is, in principle, too complex to give universal advice on it.

But at the same time, there are a number of things that everyone should pay attention to. They will allow you to avoid the most common mistakes when joining a church and will keep you from ending up in a pseudo-Orthodox sect instead of the Church.

Love

In the Gospel, the Lord himself gives simple but very true advice about what is the main distinguishing feature of Christians. The Savior reminds the apostles: By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another (John 13:35). It is by this criterion that one should look for a community and a confessor.

At the same time, you should not hope that you will suddenly come across a temple where only saints go. Let us note here that even the saints had their sins and shortcomings. Therefore, in order not to be disappointed, you should not have any illusions from the very beginning: in any human community there is always misunderstanding, conflicts, and tense relationships. The only question is their degree. A parish, like any other organization or group, can equally turn out to be both a union of normal, living (and therefore not without problems in communication) people, and a “terrarium of like-minded people.”

When you come to church, you are unlikely to immediately understand all the intricacies of the relationship between regular parishioners; this will take time. But you will immediately be able to notice if the parish has problems in relations with other communities and the Church as a whole. The idea of ​​a besieged fortress, the only “correct” parish, can take on a variety of forms, but this is always a reason to be wary. To oppose yourself to the rest of the Church, to assert that only your abbot has the ultimate truth is a sure step towards a secret sect under the Orthodox guise.

Liberty

A parish is not a barracks where everything is subordinated to the execution of the commander’s will, and subordinates should not think about anything. The task of a confessor is to teach a person to think independently and make decisions independently. Therefore, a good confessor will give advice rather than orders, and will help the parishioner with his self-education. And he will never cut from the shoulder.

Unfortunately, there are also cases when, having seen a parishioner for the first time, a priest orders him to go to a monastery or tie the knot with a stranger. Often such priests are surrounded by people who tirelessly repeat that “father is a perspicacious old man” and he must be obeyed unquestioningly. However, we should not forget that such an attempt to break someone else’s will does not correspond to the idea of ​​​​the life of a Christian and is even condemned by the conciliar decision of the Church.

The resolution of the Holy Synod of the Russian Orthodox Church of December 28, 1998 indicates to priests that it is inadmissible to induce parishioners to leave their studies, work or military service, to become a monk, to marry, or to make any donations. On any of these topics, you, of course, can consult with a priest, and he will give you an answer, but he himself has no right to force you to do anything and demand it from you.

Orthodoxy is a religion of freedom. However, we should not forget that if you make a free choice in favor of evil, you personally will bear responsibility for it.

"Working with sources"

No priest, even the most experienced, can say things that contradict Holy Scripture, the canons of the Church and its conciliar decisions. Therefore, your best defense against falling into a pseudo-Orthodox sect may be to work with “several sources.” Trust your confessor, but at the same time read the Gospel and the interpretations of authoritative theologians to it, and do not avoid educational courses, even if they take place outside your parish. Do not be afraid to consult not only with your own, but also with other priests.

There is nothing sinful in the fact that you strive to learn about your faith as fully as possible, including from primary sources. On the contrary, education is one of the most important pillars of a Christian's spiritual growth.

But be careful at the same time, do not allow yourself to fall into the other extreme, and do not think that after a couple of weeks of studying at catechism courses you will necessarily understand everything better than your parish priest. Experience suggests that a newly converted Christian, who does not have the proper education and experience, can himself mistakenly understand this or that place in Scripture, and, out of ignorance, misinterpret the words of the Fathers of the Church or the decision of some council. In such a situation, one step remains before unfairly condemning your confessor, or even the entire Church. More than one tragic split arose in this way, due to the illiteracy of people armed with “half-knowledge.”

Therefore, if something in the words of your confessor confuses you, try to check and double-check it in as many ways as possible.

Churching instead of subculture

A common mistake of a person entering a church for the first time is trusting those who are sometimes called church freaks.

Indeed, the Church has its own traditions, even its own foundations: there is nothing strange in this. On the contrary, sometimes it is the Church today that acts as the guardian of all the best that is left to us from traditional society. However, firstly, the Church is not a preserve of antiquity or some special subculture. A church-going man does not have to grow a beard and learn to say “God bless” instead of the usual “thank you.” And, secondly, the degree of spiritual growth and closeness to Christ is again determined not by the length of the beard or skirt.

A new Christian has a lot of questions: why fast, how to behave correctly in church, how to pray before eating? Many things seem unusual to him, and this needs to be dealt with. Not least in order to learn to distinguish actions that are important for a Christian from exalted behavior.

Remember Dostoevsky's novel The Brothers Karamazov. The true elder Zosima speaks there in a completely understandable language, does not try to act like a fool, although people far from the Church suspect him of this and do not understand many of his actions. At the same time, his opponent, a monk who clearly suffers from many spiritual illnesses, attracts people precisely with his strange behavior, stories of revelations, and acting attempts to portray a cheap popular saint.

Above the parties

The Church is outside of politics. Of course, she cannot avoid any clashes with politics, and conversations on related topics will also arise from time to time, because they are conducted by people everywhere. However, when political topics begin to dominate the life of the parish, this is already an “alarm bell.” After all, let’s say, you go to a hairdresser to get a haircut, and not just to hear even political slogans that are closest to you personally from the lips of the hairdresser. If they talk to you about politics for your money, but don’t cut your hair, you will be justifiably indignant.

It's the same in the Church. Please note that today famous priests touch on social issues, but whatever they begin to talk about, the main purpose of their speech is Christ and His preaching. For this purpose, a priest can turn to economic problems, political issues, ecology, and contemporary art. But the goal of the conversation should remain a Christian understanding of the problem, that is, ultimately, a conversation about God and eternal salvation, and not about who to vote for.

And, of course, it is completely unacceptable if a “culling” of people on political grounds begins in the parish. After all, when approaching Communion, all Christians are equal brothers who have abandoned momentary disputes in the name of eternity.

When difficult trials occur, anxiety and worry set in, people ask for help from God or sages to receive advice and recommendations to solve their problems. And then there is a need to find a person who can guide you on the right path and help you understand yourself and your own troubles. A spiritual mentor often becomes such a person, who helps the soul to open up, repent and decide to change his life.

Why is spiritual direction necessary?

Without a leader, a person cannot live a life of holiness. You can find a teacher in a church, where you need to come and pray to the Lord to send a confessor who will console, advise and direct your thoughts in a godly direction. The role of a spiritual mentor is great. When communicating with his child, he conveys what the spirit of God conveys to him, instills peace and harmony in the soul.

Typically, a spiritual director is a person who has extensive life and religious experience and is obedient to guide the religious lives of others. The confessor plays a huge role in the life of the laity and the clergy, and he is necessary in order to, listening to his advice, live piously and achieve the Kingdom of Heaven. The history of the church has several variations on mentoring. But the main ones are:

the service of a priest in a parish, where he is the spiritual healer of all parishioners; eldership, it is this that has become widespread in Russia.

Elders are healers of souls

Originating in Byzantium, it firmly entered into Russian culture and occupied one of the most important places. The elders took a vow of obedience and, through their words and deeds, were called upon to expose sins and console people confused in their own doubts. With saving conversations and instructions, they healed souls, brought peace and tranquility into them.

Russian eldership takes its origins from the Monk Paisius Velichkovsky and achieves its development thanks to the monks of the Optina Hermitage. Monasteries with their spiritual mentors have been the center of pilgrimage for the Orthodox people for a long time. Eldership had its own peculiarity, where strict asceticism alternated with active outings into the world. These outlets were expressed in contact with the people and in service to the world as a spiritual assistant, mentor and adviser.

Achieving simplicity through humility

While engaged in the religious education of their students, the elders taught wisdom and promoted moral growth and improvement. During the earthly life of their spiritual student, they coordinated and directed the actions and actions of the child. The connection between teacher and student was very strong because it was built on trusting and respectful relationships, humility and love. Father Zachary instructed to take care of your conscience and strive for simplicity, which can only be achieved through humility.

People came to the elders for advice when there were doubts and difficult situations arose. They expected consolation and help from the confessor. The uniqueness of eldership in Orthodoxy lay in the unshakable faith and spiritual strength of the elders and in the subtle work that they carried out in the soul of their student. Influencing the human psyche, they delicately and carefully guide a person on the path of finding love for the Lord.

Finding a Mentor

Great grace for a believer is to find a clergyman who will be responsible before the Almighty for his student, will pray for him, control the growth of spirituality, guide his actions and instruct in worldly life, and also guide him on the path of virtue, which leads to eternal life .

For a believer, the path to solving problems is different from the path chosen by unbelieving lay people. People who are far from religion, as a rule, try to solve their problems by relying on the help and advice of their friends and mostly people who are far from religion. And often the problem is not resolved, but only gets worse. This happens because all the difficulties are concentrated within us, away from God. And as a result, under the accumulation of sins, there is a breakdown in spiritual harmony.

If unforeseen situations arise, a churchgoer should go to his confessor for advice. At the same time, the believer understands that when asking what to do, he is waiting for an answer to his question from the Lord. Seeing his humility, God, through the priest, gives the right advice and blesses him. A Christian will never doubt that it is necessary to follow what his confessor says. He is sure that the Almighty is sending him his support. Only if you transfer your heart and soul into obedience to your confessor will God’s grace settle in a person.

The Church does not set restrictions and provides the opportunity for a good Christian to choose his confessor himself. How to find a spiritual mentor? It’s good if it’s a clergyman from the temple where you often come to pray. But everything is individual, and sometimes it can be difficult to find a confessor with whom you can establish a trusting and cordial relationship.

Mentor's task

Spiritual mentoring strives to improve the personality and manifest the image of God in it, to nurture the spiritual principle in a person. An Orthodox Christian should definitely read and understand the instructions of the holy fathers. They read:

the spiritual thoughts of any Orthodox Christian should be guided by a priest, whose help must be sought both in confession and in teaching; try to communicate with your confessor throughout your life, revealing your sins and ungodly thoughts; following the teachings of your spiritual father, you will certainly find the Kingdom of Heaven; if you entrust your heart to the confessor, then God’s grace will dwell in the soul.

How to choose a spiritual father?

How to choose a spiritual mentor? There is no need to look for any ways. There is no need to make any special efforts when starting the search for a spiritual mentor. This is what your heart will tell you. The understanding of whether this person is yours or not will come naturally if:

Father’s advice has a beneficial effect and heals the soul; you receive consolation and feel support; you experience joy and peace when communicating with him; you feel and believe in the power of his prayer and mutual goodwill.

How to start searching for a spiritual father

In order for God to tell you how to find a spiritual mentor, you need to pray a lot and passionately. When starting your search, you need to take a closer look at the parish where the priest conducts services. A good priest always has a friendly atmosphere in the temple. It is worth talking with parishioners and finding out their opinion about the pastor.

You should not go to distant lands, wondering where to find your spiritual mentor. He may be nearby and closer than you think. You don’t need to tell anyone about your mentor once you meet him. Religious life is private and there is no need to put it on public display.

Come often to a church that you like. Open up to the priest in confession and pray for him, and then God will reveal his will through him. When communication with a clergyman takes place in confidence, then you should follow the priest’s advice and, having received parting words, carry it out. There is no need to come to many priests with one question or problem, hoping for a change in admonition.

There is no need to rush and call the first priest you meet your confessor. When visiting church, confess and ask the priest for advice about your pain. And then it is possible to meet a confessor close to you.

When communicating with parishioners, find out where to find your confessor, and which priest enjoys authority and respect among the flock.

You need to start reading religious literature with simple and understandable texts. Spiritual books will help you correctly determine your goals and priorities in life.

Does a person need a spiritual mentor?

In any field of activity or in sports, a novice specialist, athlete or school student always has a mentor. He helps to master the profession, shares his experience and advice. The mentoring of a clergyman is aimed at achieving strength of spirit, religious self-awareness and fulfillment of divine commandments by the student.

The relationship between a child and a confessor is not measured by the amount of time spent together. Sometimes a few sentences are enough to calm your soul and resolve your issues. It is important to follow all the advice received from your confessor.

In worldly life, it is important for families following the laws of God to confess to one confessor. It happens that internal family problems that arise can be solved together.

It is advisable for a churchgoer to keep a record of his sins and then confess them to his confessor as often as possible. It is believed that salvation lies in a lot of advice. Therefore, it is good for the soul to seek answers to questions from several priests. But it is better to reveal thoughts and sinful thoughts only to your spiritual father.

Some believers do not know that when going to the shepherd, they need to read the prayer: “Lord! Give me mercy and inspire my spiritual father to give me an answer according to your will.” Entrusting yourself to your spiritual father is the best way to take the path of correction. The devil will not be able to intervene where everything secret and sinful has been revealed to the confessor. It is important to obey your leader, because through him you obey God.

Spiritual teacher

A confessor is like a teacher who reveals the true meaning of many things and the truth to his students. A teacher, spiritual mentor must expand the inner potential of the individual, influence it, and make the student’s spiritual world consonant with his own.

Mentoring is also the prayers of the confessor to send him wisdom in teaching his students. This is his appeal to God in intractable situations, a request for support from the Heavenly Intercessor in moments of doubt and helplessness. The spiritual father is responsible before Jesus Christ for the children entrusted to him.

Spiritual guides of man

On our way we come across many people who call and consider themselves spiritual mentors. Often they have their own teaching, schools, or they call themselves followers of famous spiritual personalities. Such mentors have students, like-minded people and admirers who support their views and beliefs.

In addition, each person has his own invisible spiritual helpers. These include angels who protect and protect throughout life. If you can learn to understand them, then life will become much easier and simpler. Coming into the world with a newborn baby, the angels leave him after death.

A believer who strives to follow God's commandments with a clear conscience and thoughts does not lose heart in the face of adversity. They only strengthen his beliefs and improve his soul. Going to his confessor, he understands that he is asking for advice not from a person, but from the Lord, who, through the priest, gives the necessary advice and blesses. The parting words of the spiritual father, carried out strictly, will lead to help from God. For the purpose of human existence on earth is to purify one’s heart and feel the closeness of God.

Is it possible to strive without spiritual guidance? It’s an idle question, because the answer to it is obvious: it’s impossible. It is impossible to do without a mentor in such a complex area as spirituality. But how to find a spiritual director? Do you need to actively and purposefully search, travel to monasteries, go from one priest to another?.. How do you understand that this priest is your confessor? And what should its leadership be? Explanations are given by the pastors of the Russian Church.

The Mystery of God's Care

How to find a confessor? I haven't looked, I don't know. To me, 22 years old, a confessor was given by God at the moment of my baptism. Therefore, I recognize his role in my life as a providential given, necessary for my salvation. If even earthly marriages “take place in Heaven,” then the finding of a confessor is all the more revealed from the mystery of God’s care for the soul who believes in Christ.

We have the example of Christ, we have the Gospel, we have the Tradition of the Church

There is no one answer, it is deeply individual. How to find a confessor? I don’t know, God may send him unexpectedly, but it happens that you can look for him all your life and not find him or find him. It’s different for everyone, but what’s important for all Christians: no one has canceled the Gospel, expressed in its complex history, tradition, spiritual literature, and worship. Are these minor things? A confessor is not a panacea or a solution to all problems. Probably 95% of Christians do not have confessors (not just confessing priests, but confessors). And the Kingdom of Heaven is closed to them? And Christ? Is it not He who bestows it? Therefore, if a confessor is sought to become the living Christ on earth, to overshadow Him, there is no meaning in him, but only harm.

God will send you a spiritual leader - just don’t miss it

A spiritual leader is difficult to find. But it has been noticed by many people: scientists, theologians, and ascetics: if you ask God for a spiritual guide, He will send him to you. He will send it to you, just don't miss it. But if you ask for something absolutely incredible, great, holy, you may simply not wait for this. Bishop Onuphry said in one of his interviews: “I don’t need a perspicacious leader, because I myself know all my sins. What else is there to see? And so everything is clear. I don't need a holy leader, why? What will this give me for salvation? I need a person who will understand me, who will not judge me, who will lend a shoulder. And who knows that one cannot demand incredible and amazing heights from a person that we cannot achieve. He can simply understand, feel and help in the most difficult moments.” If you ask for the kind of leader that Bishop Onuphry spoke about, then God will send him.

And without spiritual guidance it is impossible to be saved at all. Without spiritual guidance it is disastrous and deadly. You can never rely on yourself for anything. I always make this comparison for modern people: spaceships and space stations certainly fly with the help and under the careful control of a ground control station, because in space, as everyone knows, astronauts even perceive humor differently than on Earth. And they may not understand or see what is being done to their spaceship. They are carefully, carefully told from the Earth: “We must turn on such and such engines in order to level your orbit, raise it a little so that it no longer declines.” This means that after 10 minutes the engines will turn on for one and a half, 25 or 30 seconds, and don’t twitch, don’t be afraid of this. So that they realize this and really are not afraid.

Every person needs something similar. We have a consciousness that does not firmly reflect reality. It is constantly changing. I even have a term: “floating consciousness.” There is no constant and firm correspondence of our consciousness with reality. And this is where it is needed. He should say: “Stop, stop, stop! Why? Where is this? What is it?" He must help - and help kindly, with love.

No one is immune from mistakes and mistakes. And even the greatest ascetics always go to their confessor and confess.

A confessor is needed to tell us at the right moment: “Stop! Where are you going?"

I was very impressed by how His Holiness Patriarch Pimen, for whom I was a subdeacon, one day during the service, right before Communion, suddenly called Father Alexy Demin, a 90-year-old clergyman of the Patriarchal Epiphany Cathedral, and said: “I must confess.” He went to the altar and confessed. And a simple rural priest, an ordinary one, took the altar cross, read a prayer of permission and blessed the head of His Holiness the Patriarch. Because the patriarch, like a good experienced monk, knows how scary a small deviation to the side is, and if you don’t slow down now - even in confession to a simple priest, the consequences can be terrifying and terrible.

That is why it is necessary to always confess, in all cases, even this is how His Holiness Patriarch Pimen confessed on the go, in order to be of a strong mind and firmly standing on the ground without any distractions and any deviations to the side in the creation of one’s salvation.

Obedience is the principle of godlikeness

The importance of spiritual direction comes from a simple but very basic Christian principle - the principle. The Son was obedient to the Father even to the point of death, even death on the cross. The principle of obedience is not discipline in the church, so that it is easier for bishops and priests to govern the flock, but this is the principle of likeness to God, which can and should be implemented by us in our lives. Of course, this is possible in a family: children in relation to parents, younger ones in relation to elders, spouses in relation to each other to one degree or another. But most naturally this can be realized through spiritual leadership in the Church: in a parish, in a monastery.

The measures and limits here can be very different, but the most important thing, in my opinion, is that the one you are looking for as a spiritual leader is a good person. Everything else can be very different, everything else is difficult to measure things: prayerfulness, many years of experience and whatnot. Just a truly good person. It does not mean - without mistakes, without sinful deviations, without any imperfections, but in the main thing, basically in what the soul feels - a good person. A good person can be obeyed.

If there is no tradition of succession of clergy, we are dealing with a remake

In order not to be deceived in a confessor, you need to clearly know that he also has a confessor

He said: lately there will be no spiritual guides - save yourself by reading books. This is the subjective reality of our days, but, by the grace of God, there are still people who have the skill of spiritual leadership.

But in order not to be deceived in your confessor, you must clearly make sure that he also has a confessor, and that confessor also has a confessor. Because if there is no tradition of succession of clergy, then we are dealing with a remake. But a remake is always bad, it’s always an imitation of something. Therefore, it is very important that the continuity of spiritual leadership from one confessor to another is maintained. This, by the way, was the strength of Optina Pustyn, which, through Paisius Velichkovsky, revived the Athonite tradition of succession from one elder to another. Unfortunately, now many people lack this and some young people who themselves were not under spiritual control are becoming elders, and by communicating with such people, we risk passing off as something truly valuable and significant something that is actually cheap a remake and nothing more.

Without a confessor there will be no solidity in spiritual life

Anyone who finds a confessor in time is a happy person. I was very unlucky in this regard. Before receiving sound spiritual guidance, I went through false teaching and suffered great spiritual damage. Therefore, I have something to compare with.

Guidance from a confessor is a priceless gift, which may not even be immediately recognized. Do we immediately appreciate the fact that we have parents? You understand the value of it only later. The same applies to the confessor.

Without a confessor there will be no solidity in spiritual life. Is it possible to learn to drive a car yourself, learn a foreign language without a teacher, or walk through an unfamiliar area without a guide? If this happens, it is only in exceptional cases. For everyone, the general rule is the need for leadership. In the most difficult situations of my life, it was my frankness before my confessor and his prayer and attention that saved me from trouble more than once. Therefore, now I know for sure: if you want to save your soul, have a confessor.

In general, it is important for a person that someone can hear him in troubles and sorrows and be able to give him the advice he needs. And, in fact, who could become an even more reliable support here than a clergyman, to whom God entrusted His grace to strengthen the believers? Clergy is very necessary. Otherwise, Christians will rush to a psychologist instead of a priest and say that they received more benefits from him than from the priest.

Of course, for the forgiveness of sin, it does not matter who confesses you. The Sacrament of Confession itself, with pure repentance, burns sins to ashes, because before the Holy Spirit our sins are like stubble before fire. Repentant, confessed sin disappears. But if, through a sinful life and immersion in delusions, internal breakdowns have occurred in the soul, then the wounds remain for a long time, they remind of themselves. That is why you sometimes need a confessor, someone who knows all your spiritual characteristics, all life’s stumbling blocks, mistakes, weaknesses and damages received and committed by your soul. A confessor is someone who finds the key to the problems of your soul and helps you get out of them by turning to God. The confessor helps you find that personal path on which your soul will open up before the Lord and accept His grace.

How to find a confessor? Firstly, we must really ask the Lord about this. Secondly, try to notice which of the priests your soul opens up to in particular, whose instructions especially solve the problems that arise for you.

The confessor, first of all, reveals the internal disorder of the spiritual child

Often we go to confessors with some question, hoping to find an answer. At the same time, we naively think that having received a resolution to the issue, we will immediately make our life easier. However, experienced confessors see that each of us suffers not from an unresolved issue, but from a whole complex of spiritual problems that we may not even think about. Therefore, true clergy consists not only in resolving momentary issues, but, first of all, in revealing in a spiritual child his basic internal disorders, in solving problems that prevent the child, in essence, from being with God.

Often we like those confessors who allow us to do what we ourselves want. It is painful to hear the bitter truth about our way of life, it is scary to change ourselves, and therefore we often seek a confessor to adapt to us, soften the demands of spiritual life and help, so to speak, to make a compromise between our conscience and our laxity. This is very wrong. It is important to find a confessor who would help us gradually change ourselves, to free ourselves from old age, who would select the spiritual treatment that would be most effective against our main passions.

The confessor sees us from the outside

Spiritual direction is essential for a Christian. In any business starting from scratch, a person needs an assistant, a mentor. You cannot achieve results in a foreign language by studying according to a self-instruction manual. It is impossible to get results in the gym without turning to a trainer. It’s the same in spiritual life: you need someone who sees you from the outside, and also (God willing) has certain skills in spiritual life, which he can teach not from books, but from experience.

A confessor is a person with whom a parishioner regularly confesses and with whom he consults on various issues of inner life. In order to meet such a person, you need to pray for such a meeting, attend services in several churches. Look at the communities - what the people are like, how the priest serves and preaches. If your heart is drawn to someone, approach and arrange a meeting at which you can ask questions and/or confession. This is how a contact can begin that will later develop into a serious relationship of spiritual growth for both the parishioner and the priest.

True confessors do not ruin the spiritual and social life of their children

First, you need to go through a good school of spiritual guidance yourself. This is both in and in the Church. Only those who have gone through the school of obedience, humility, and controllability can rule and command. Someone who knows what it's like to be submissive.

Not to be a spiritual leader, but to prepare yourself to be nourished by a confessor.

He who knows what it is like to be subordinate treats the subordinates, the flock, with mercy and compassion. When a person jumps into the position of bishop who has not gone through a genuine theological school - neither a serious parish school nor a monastic one, but who has rubbed shoulders with the bishop as a subdeacon for some time and essentially does not know the life of the flock, then nothing good can come of it. Unless by the great mercy and grace of God. This applies to shepherding in general and church governance.

As for spiritual guidance, namely the salvation of souls, this is a science, and a person himself should not take it upon himself.

We have nowhere to go, since confession before Communion is mandatory for us. That’s why young, inexperienced priests are also appointed to confess. In Greece, the attitude towards confession is completely different: inexperienced people are not invited to confession. Another thing is that, unfortunately, not everyone there confesses. Young priests in Greece are prohibited from confessing. They are sent to confession to experienced, serious confessors. For us this is unrealistic and unfeasible. And young priests, in my opinion, should be very careful. In a number of cases, if they are faced with a problem that is clearly insoluble for them, clearly beyond their spiritual experience, they must know to whom to send the confessor if he shows sufficient will to do so. Here you need a clear understanding of your competence. This is, firstly.

Secondly, one should not seek spiritual guidance or feel the desire to become a spiritual leader.

How to find yourself a spiritual leader? The Scripture says: “You will be reverent with the venerable... and with the chosen you will be chosen, and with the obstinate you will be corrupt” (Ps. 17: 26-27). We must look for people who are reverent, chosen, and prayerful. It is not necessary that these people be nice, famous and well-known people. The main thing is that these are people of grace, around whom love and peace reign, and whose children’s lives are arranged for salvation.

What are the characteristics of true shepherds? - Lack of lust for power and at the same time real spiritual power

What are the characteristics of such shepherds? I will note this: the absence of lust for power and at the same time real spiritual power, because from the ill-considered lust for power of confessors a lot of bad things happen in the lives of the flock. True confessors do not ruin the spiritual and social life of their children. They, like experienced gardeners, on the contrary, carefully straighten the crooked; like experienced doctors, they bandage the lame; They awaken to life all living things that are in their child. They often say, as my late confessor Father Vasily Ermakov did: “Think for yourself.” They don’t become crutches, they don’t become substitutes, but, on the contrary, they try to ensure that their children would rather go on their own, think, do, and decide for most of their lives. They do not trample on the God-given freedom of their children, but offer surprisingly delicate advice, as Father John (Krestyankin) did. I remember communicating with him: he gave delicate advice. I received “the full program” if I didn’t obey him, and only after that I understood it, but even then he accepted me with all his love, despite my stubbornness, disobedience, stupidity, unreasonableness, and pride. This is also an amazing trait of a true confessor - such patience and love.

Terrible troubles arise from the lust for power and from the seeking of spiritual power, from spiritual tyranny. I knew of one simply tragic case, connected with a very famous confessor - I will not mention his name. His child, a future priest, came to his reception with his bride, whom he loved. At this confessor’s reception, a girl was sitting on the sofa. This future priest asks the elder: “Father, bless me to marry so-and-so.” “No, she’s not yours, but here she is, waiting for you,” and points to a completely unfamiliar girl sitting on the sofa. - This is where you will get married. Clear?" He, in obedience to his confessor, broke off communication with the bride, with whom everything had been agreed, and married the one whom the elder advised. What happened? His wife loved him with all her soul, but he could not see her. When she came to his place of service, literally a few hours later he went with her to the station, bought her a return ticket and escorted her to the next station so that she would not decide to jump out on the way and return to him.

So many tragedies arose from the power-hungry and unreasonable leadership of confessors!.. A true confessor should not power-hungry trample on his child. Where necessary, he, of course, must intervene, and testify to the untruth of his life, and instruct him firmly. But where there are no shameful and sinful things, where the child should and can act on his own, there a real confessor must give this the “green light”.

We must clearly distinguish between the problems of spiritual life and those related to our social and family responsibilities

How to find a real confessor? We need to pray about this. We must lead a regular church life and ask the Lord. Here it is not even necessary that the confessor be glorious, great, spiritual. It is enough that he is simply a kind priest, conscientious about his spiritual duties, attentive and prayerful. If a person trusts him and prays to God that God will reveal His will through him, then he will receive everything according to his request, he will receive everything he needs for salvation.

Another thing is that we must clearly separate things related to our spiritual life, to our salvation - and, on the other hand, to our social and family responsibilities. My late grandmother had such a case. During confession, the priest asked her: “Where do you work?” And she worked at the Baltic Defense Plant; she had no right to talk about her place of work. And she found the courage and spiritual intelligence to say: “Father, forgive me, this does not apply to confession.” Reasoning and sobriety are needed both for the confessor himself and for his child.

Recently, one of the oldest Moscow priests, Archpriest Nikolai Vedernikov, spoke to Pravmire about his life. In another interview with the site, he reflects on clergy and the meaning of spiritual life.

Those who take their spiritual life seriously are looking for a spiritual mentor

- Father Nikolai, in your opinion, is it necessary for a Christian to have a confessor?

It is advisable to confess to one priest. Of course, the Lord accepts, the priest is only a witness, and if a person sincerely repents of his sins, the sacrament is valid, regardless of whether he confessed to a priest he knew, how pious the priest is. But it is better when the priest knows the parishioner, when there is a truly trusting relationship between them.

If a person is serious about his spiritual life, he usually finds a priest with whom such a relationship develops. Maybe not right away, but he finds it. This is very important for spiritual growth. When a stranger comes to me for confession, I always ask if he has a spiritual mentor. And for the most part it turns out that no, even if he is not confessing for the first time and has been going to church for more than one year. This always makes me sad. It is sad that after several years of church life, people have not bothered to ensure that someone instructs them in spiritual matters.

My wife and I have been lucky all our lives with confessors. Father Nikolai Golubtsov blessed her to have children, although she had hypertension since her youth, and the doctors unanimously said that she could not give birth, it was life-threatening. But three daughters were born to us, one might say, with the blessing of Father Nikolai.

The relationship between a child and a confessor usually lasts until the death of one of them. Father Nikolai died in 1963, after him our confessor was Father Vladimir Smirnov from the Church of Elijah the Ordinary, and after his death - Father Vasily Serebrennikov, a disciple of the elders, a perspicacious priest. He advised writing down your sins in a notebook every day. Without details, just “condemned, envied...”. We tried to follow his advice. He was ill, so they usually came to his home for confession and not very often, but you look at your notes and you don’t need to remember anything.

Father Vasily lived for almost 90 years and died in 1996. Then the recently deceased and I confessed to each other. He was a wonderful man, a talented artist, a good shepherd, ten years older than me, but with all due respect to him, I did not consider him my spiritual father. In the last months before his death, he was seriously ill and did not serve.

In the Church of St. John the Warrior on Yakimanka, where I now serve as a freelancer, there are many priests and there is always someone to confess to. I trust them, I feel that they treat their service responsibly, but so far I do not have a spiritual father. I hope that if, by God’s will, my life lasts (and I’m already 84), the Lord will send a confessor. And the Patriarch has a spiritual father, and other bishops - everyone who takes their spiritual life seriously is looking for a spiritual mentor.

- The priest probably really needs this - he has to admonish others.

This is necessary for everyone, because we are all sinners: “For there is no man who has not sinned”(2 Chron. 6, 36). You may not do anything bad, behave with dignity in society, be respected, but there are thoughts that you do not pay attention to, and it is not for nothing that in monasteries they repent of their thoughts.

Fighting thoughts

During the day, many different thoughts, obviously sinful, come into each person’s head. It comes against our will - from the devil, who seeks to instill in us greed, envy, condemnation, irritation and other bad feelings. I try to drive away thoughts. Father Vasily generally recommended reading it constantly.

This short prayer - “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner” - includes our entire Orthodox confession, and all dogmatics are built on it. If you read it carefully, the Lord gradually cleanses your inner world. And if thoughts take possession of me, they pollute this world, and even if I don’t do anything bad to anyone, my polluted inner world affects those close to me, those with whom I communicate, and everyone around me. This is very important to understand - we are saved together. “Achieve a peaceful spirit and thousands around you will be saved,” said.

Purity of thoughts and correction of your inner world can be achieved if you follow the advice of the Apostle Paul: “Always rejoice. Pray without ceasing. Give thanks for everything"(1 Thess. 5, 16–18). There is no reason to be discouraged or fall into despair if Christ is with us. Therefore, I recommend everyone to read at least one chapter of the Gospel every day. This is even more important than observing the prayer rule, because the Gospel is a letter from Christ Himself; it is through the Gospel that we come into contact with Him.

Some people think that the main thing is to put candles in front of the icons and bow to the ground. And the main thing in Christianity is a person’s love for Christ, an encounter with Christ. The Lord appreciates personal appeal - everyone can find a free minute (for example, before going to bed) and tell Him what happened in his life today, what difficulties he encountered, ask for forgiveness and help, and the Lord will definitely respond. Maybe not right away, but it will respond. This is why I advise everyone to read a chapter from the Gospel every day.

Spiritual life requires guidance. A spiritual father is a priest who guides your spiritual life. He may be the simplest, most unprepossessing, have no special education, but if I trust him, it means that the Lord can tell me something very important through him.

Without obedience, relationships are meaningless.

How can a new parishioner understand that this priest can be trusted, that he is trying to understand God’s will for a person, and not impose his own on him?

Indeed, some impose their will in full confidence that the will of God has been revealed to them. A priest, having just been ordained, having neither experience nor knowledge, imagines himself as a spiritual leader. This is called young age - a painful, but very widespread phenomenon in the nineties. It is being eradicated, but gradually.

Whether you can trust a priest enough to ask him to be the leader of your spiritual life, only inner experience will tell you. This is difficult, especially for a person just starting church life, but there is no other way. It is impossible to approach such serious issues formally and I cannot give any general advice.

Priests themselves should probably not rush to become confessors. For example, I don’t think I’m worthy of being a spiritual father. There are parishioners who constantly confess to me - about 10-15 people, they are used to me - but when they ask me to become a spiritual father, I, as a rule, refuse. I am always ready to confess a person, console him, advise him something, but the child’s relationship with his spiritual father presupposes obedience.

If a priest agrees to be my spiritual father, I believe that he is not just advising me something humanly, but through him the Lord is advising me, and I must show obedience. Whether I will show it depends on my free choice, but if I obey the confessor, the Lord will give His gracious help, and if I do not listen to his advice, the confessor does not answer. But without obedience, such relationships are meaningless.

Some parishioners listen to my advice and try to follow it, and this always makes me happy, but formally I have never called myself anyone’s spiritual father. I don’t feel ready for such responsibility.

Is obedience only concerned with spiritual matters? Should a confessor give everyday advice: should he move to another job, where should he go on vacation?

An experienced confessor who knows his child well can treat his everyday problems with understanding. For example, conflicts arise at work, often people want to immediately slam the door and leave. And after this, changes are not always for the better. When a person acts of his own free will, he often regrets it later. And, conversely, if you don’t immediately give in to emotions and listen to the advice of another, everything will eventually return to normal.

I usually advise in such cases not to rush, to wait - time heals many things, including many conflicts that are resolved over time. Not only at work, but also in the family. It happens that a husband plays on the side - what should a wife do? The Church allows divorce in such cases, but if it is ready to endure and forgive, then family life can be restored and normalized. It won’t necessarily recover, but I know cases when I did. And divorce is always a tragedy.

Obedience - from the word “hearing”

In family life, by the way, obedience is also necessary - to each other. Moreover, one must not demand obedience from others, but show it oneself. Let's say your wife tells you something, but you don't agree. To object just to do it your own way is wrong to enter into conflict. You should always be able to listen.

Obedience - from the word “hearing”, it begins with the ability to listen to what another is saying. We don't like to be silent. Our friend taught us: “We all know how to speak well, but we don’t know how to listen to each other. So it’s very important to listen.” And in family life this is very important. A husband must be able to listen to his wife, a wife must be able to listen to her husband, and all issues must be resolved with reasoning. Your wife didn’t convince you - that’s okay, sometimes for the sake of peace it’s still better to agree with her. Peace in the family is more important than any of our ambitions.

The relationship with the confessor is different - here I show obedience, but the priest can give the correct advice, not from himself, but from God, only if he understands the person, and in order to understand, you need to listen carefully, attentively. Well, I, in turn, must listen to the words of my confessor in order to understand his advice.

Have there been times in your life when, after the advice of your confessor, it seemed to you that you were unable to show obedience, that it was too much for you?

No, I don’t remember this, but it happened that I fell into sin, from which I had difficulty freeing myself. For this I needed both time and the prayerful help of my spiritual father. The priests to whom I confessed my sins always prayed for me, I felt their spiritual support, thanks to which I was able to get out of that state and be freed from sin. It's a big deal - freedom from sin!

It can be difficult to cope with yourself. The most fierce enemy of spiritual life is my selfishness, pride, inability to make an effort on myself. People take different paths. One sin is overcome, it goes away, but something again arises in the soul. This requires a lot of attention, and the spiritual father can give advice, sometimes even with tears.

I remember when I confessed my youthful sins in childhood and adolescence, the priest cried. I think his name was Father Benjamin. I really approached him with fear and trembling, and he cried while listening to my confession. Cried for my sins. Everyone has their own path, sometimes very difficult, sometimes easier, but in any case you need to be able to make an effort on yourself. And we don’t like it when we have to go through narrow gates. “Seek first the Kingdom of God”(Matt. 6:33). It is within us.

Give thanks for every day you live

If the advice of your confessor is not clear, should you honestly tell him this and ask him to clarify, or is it better to take it on faith?

I think it's better to ask for clarification. Sometimes an explanation is enough, but sometimes it takes time for a person to understand advice that is not yet ready to accept.

A priest should not have arrogant arrogance over his parishioners. Yes, for example, he has more experience, like a professor, more knowledge than a student, but it is when this experience is presented modestly that you willy-nilly listen and understand that you have not yet matured enough to understand the advice, are not ready to implement it, because he is still inexperienced in spiritual life, immature. And when you understand, it’s easier to come to terms with it and still try to follow the advice.

Don't completely trust your heart. Of course, you need to listen to him, but while maintaining sobriety. “Be sober, be vigilant, for your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”- says the apostle (1 Pet. 8, 9). Dark forces also act through the human heart, which is why spiritual control is necessary.

How have parishioners changed over the 50 years of your priestly ministry? It is clear that compared to Soviet times there have been many more of them, but some priests say that today the majority come to church not with spiritual needs, but with psychological problems.

They come with different problems, but in any case you try to help the person think about the main thing. You talk to him about the meaning of life, that death is always behind us, and we must remember the hour of death. If we really always remembered death and our answer to God, we would stop sinning. But we don't remember. We are so consumed by concerns about our own well-being in earthly life that the main thing for which a person lives leaves our consciousness.

“In Your hands, Lord Jesus Christ, my God, I commend my spirit: You bless me, You have mercy on me and grant me eternal life. Amen",- we read before going to bed. "In Your hand, O Lord" because I don't know if I'll get up in the morning. The memory of this does not cancel the joy of life. You can rejoice, communicate with people, but remember at the same time that you don’t know how long you will live, and thank the Lord for every day you live.

I always advise people in the morning to ask the Lord for a day without sin, and at the end of the day to thank Him for everything, for the good and for the difficult. Usually people do this.

- In your pastoral practice, were there examples of such deep repentance that it strengthened you in your faith?

Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh told me about such repentance. One priest, to whom he once confessed, drank a lot and suffered from an addiction to alcohol. “But in confession he cried not with drunken tears, but with tears about my sins,” said Metropolitan Anthony. He, of course, did not mention the name of this priest, but that confession shocked him more than ever, and he was an experienced confessor who had himself confessed to thousands of people. I have never accepted such a confession.

- You had to confess to those sentenced to death.

Yes, but almost 20 years have passed since then, the details have already faded from my mind. I only remember that these people sincerely repented. They expected to be executed, but soon a moratorium on the death penalty was introduced, and the execution was replaced by life imprisonment. Some people still write letters from Mordovia to my daughter and contact me with questions.

At first they all wanted freedom, but I was against it. They won’t be able to stand it here, they might slide down and do even worse than before. And there they have an established spiritual life, a priest comes. I don’t consider them my spiritual children, but I pray for them every day, and this is very important. Well, since they continue to write and ask questions, it means that they also have some kind of spiritual movement towards me.

- As I understand it, you think that a priest does not need to strive to become a confessor?

Yes, no need. I advise young priests first of all to find confessors for themselves. This is not a lesson, but advice from an older comrade. Without the experience of obedience, it seems to me that it will be difficult to instruct others in the spiritual life.

Interviewed by Leonid Vinogradov