John the peasant about family. Rev. Gennady Kostroma
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HOLY FATHERS ABOUT THE FAMILY:
He who is negligent towards his children, even though he is decent in other respects, will suffer extreme punishment for this sin. Everything about us should be secondary to caring for our children.
Saint John Chrysostom
The affairs of those with whom we have a different way of life are inaccessible to us. For example, a mother with infants cannot go to church every day for all services and pray for a long time at home. This will result not only in embarrassment, but even sin if, for example, in the absence of a mother, a child without supervision cripples himself or does pranks when he grows up. She cannot completely renounce her property for the sake of personal achievement, for she is obliged to support and feed her children.
Venerable Nikon of Optina
To be saved, one must live not in a dream, but in real life bear the cross that the Lord has already determined for you for salvation.
Archimandrite John (Peasant)
You are a wife, you are a mother, you are a housewife. Responsibilities for all these parts are depicted in the apostolic writings. Look through them and take it upon yourself to perform them. For it is doubtful that salvation could be achieved apart from the fulfillment of the duties that are imposed by rank and fortune.
Saint Theophan the Recluse
As soon as a child is born, you need to know that everything that happens to the mother or father, or to the environment reaches him. Therefore, the mother was recommended to pray, but not formally, not only to say prayers, not only to say prayers, but to communicate with God, to share with Him all her joy, all her trepidation, to let God act in her.
Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh
Not only suffering sent by God, but every spiritual effort, every voluntary deprivation, every refusal, sacrifice are immediately exchanged for spiritual riches within us; the more we lose, the more we gain.
One grief of the mentor, which should be deeply mourned, if the child loses faith and falls into sin. And God will arrange everything else for the good, for the sake of the devotion of believing hearts to Him.
Saint Theophan the Recluse
True Christian marital love can only truly exist between one husband and one wife. Once the husband and wife have become one flesh, then there is no longer any need for them to divide their love between any third or fourth person. Husband and wife constitute one living organism. An organism that is dissected dies, and a marital union that is severed through polygamy or polyandry loses its life and meaning.
Venerable Seraphim of Sarov
ÃÃÂ Two purposes for which marriage was established: so that we live chastely and so that we become fathers. But the most important of these two goals is chastity.
Saint John Chrysostom
Unfortunately, in our time even sins of shamelessness are excused by society. From such a relaxation, the moral structure of family life and even social life declines.
Archpriest Valentin Amfitheatrov
And for each other you should be an example of meekness and kindness, self-control, complacency, honesty and hard work, submission to God’s will, patience and hope; help each other; Take care of each other, be forgiving to one another, covering each other’s weaknesses with love.
All women devoted to chastity are worthy of the name courageous.
Saint John Chrysostom
There should be no place for pride in family life. You never need to indulge your sense of offended pride and scrupulously calculate who exactly should ask for forgiveness.
Holy Queen Alexandra Romanova
Fasting is wonderful because it suppresses our sins like weeds, but it raises and grows truth like a flower. If you started fasting at will, then do not be gloomy, but rejoice: it cleanses your soul from poison.
Saint John Chrysostom
Saint Gregory the Theologian
After all, the main and fundamental thing in life is walking before God and living in God, and poverty not only does not interfere with this, but contributes to the development in us of trust only in God, and believers are not put to shame.
Archimandrite John Krestyankin
Marriage is honorable and the marital union is blessed by God. Blessed, but in order to preserve the power of the Creator in the birth of others like themselves and for the continuation of the human race, so that spouses become parents and see themselves as fruitful oil plantings. Blessed is he who enters into a marital union with this holy intention; he chooses his wife not out of passion, but looks at her virtues.
Plato, Metropolitan of Moscow
There is an incomprehensible connection between the souls of parents and the souls of children, and we cannot determine to what extent the influence of the former extends on the latter: and together, to what extent, with the contagious influence of the former, God’s mercy and condescension extends to the latter.
Saint Theophan the Recluse
Of course, fasting, if not accompanied by prayer and spiritual work, has almost no value. Fasting is not a goal, but a means, a benefit that makes prayer and spiritual improvement easier for us.
Venerable Barsanuphius of Optina
It is very unfortunate to hear about troubles between close relativesâæ and in our dispensation without self-reproach, no matter how much you advise, those who quarrel do not receive peace, and they have no idea about this, that they need to reproach themselves,â They only see guilt in their neighbor.
Venerable Macarius of Optina
Fasting protects babies, makes the young chaste, makes the old man respectable: for gray hair, adorned by fasting, is more worthy of respect. Fasting â the most decent attire for women, bridle in the prime of life, protection of marriage, educator of childhood... Children, like flowering plants, may be watered with the water of fasting.
Saint Basil the Great
A child should be able to look at his parents and see that what he is told actually lives within them. They may be imperfect—the child understands this very well—but they strive to live by faith, and this constitutes the meaning and content of their life.
Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh
If you fast in food, your eyes are seduced by adultery in the secret places of your soul, and by curiosity and slander; hearing is â perceiving excesses and prodigal songs and unkind slanderous whispers; and other feelings that are consistently harmful, then what is the benefit of fasting? â Of course, none!
Saint Gregory Palamas
One of the spouses, who has the misfortune of seeing apparently incorrigible weaknesses in the other, can only endure them with Christian patience, see in them a cross placed by God on him, and thereby come to terms with his position in the hope of reward from God.
Bishop Vissarion (Nechaev)
Pray earnestly for your children, and God will preserve in good order those who want to be preserved and seek this.
Saint Theophan the Recluse
For parents, the main concern should be to gain God's mercy and His help and blessings. And this will be a condition for the indispensable success of many years of work and struggle for the salvation of the souls of children subject to sin along with the entire fallen human race.
From the book of Pestov N.E. Orthodox parenting
The Lord does not require hunger, but heroism. Feat â is what a person can do the greatest according to his own strength, and the rest by grace.
From the book of Fr. V. Sventsitsky
Love for one's neighbor is preceded and accompanied by humility before him.
Saint Ignatius Brianchaninov
Today, on the day of the half-life of the saving Lenten feat, the Lord condescends to those who are tired and exhausted under the burden of fasting, giving them His love, and strength, and a gentle reminder that they have not yet fought sin to the point of bleeding. The Lord today reminds us of the uniqueness and immutability of the path of salvation - the path of the Cross and suffering - and inspires us along this path with hope. Light Christ's Resurrection visible only from the Cross.
Archimandrite John Krestyankin
An emancipated wife is always a bad mother. She is burdened by children, they prevent her from enjoying the freedom of life, and therefore she leaves the care of them to nurses and nannies.
Bishop Vissarion (Nechaev)
Teach your children more to moderation and even hardships, which you can always encounter in life, than to pleasures, which are not available to everyone.
Ambrose Klyucharyov, Archbishop of Kharkov
John Cassian the Roman says that if after Great Lent I did not become at least a little different, did not change something in myself, remained the same as I was when Lent began, then the time of fasting has passed without meaning. I am the most unfortunate person, because I spent this time in self-restraint - I did not eat, did not drink, did not have fun, and did not receive any fruit.
It would be better to do all this, at least it would be pleasant. Otherwise, I limited myself in everything, but I didn’t become better, smarter, brighter, or kinder. Such fasting deprives one of strength and naturally does not bring joy.
Archpriest Alexey Uminsky. "Lent"
If someone learns chastity, then he will consider his wife dearer than everyone else, will look at her with great love and have great agreement with her, and all good things will enter his home with peace and harmony.
Saint John Chrysostom
It should not be considered that the child is small, but from the first years it is necessary to begin to calm down the flesh, which is prone to coarse matter, and to accustom the child to mastery over it, so that in adolescence, in youth, and after them, one can easily and freely cope with this need. The first starter is very expensive. Much depends on baby food in the future.
Saint Theophan the Recluse
This is the basic principle of a happy marriage: two loving people constantly limit their own freedom, the husband for the sake of his wife, and the wife for the sake of her husband.
Archpriest Alexey Uminsky
If you, a man, do not forgive everyone who has sinned against you, then do not bother yourself with fasting and prayer. If you do not leave a debt to your brother, with whom you are angry for something, then you are completely in vain in fasting and praying: God will not accept you.
Venerable Ephraim the Syrian
We have a universal commandment to bear each other's burdens; the more willingly such close persons as spouses should perform it mutually to each other. Reluctance to endure inflames troubles and trifles pile up into the dividing wall.
Saint Theophan the Recluse
A brief formulation of the path to salvation given by St. Anthony the Great: ÃÓLife and death” (of our soul) depend on our neighbor.
A wise woman, therefore, will try to make sure that her husband becomes like-minded to her in what leads to common happiness. But if this turns out to be impossible, then she herself must strive for righteousness in everything, obeying her husband in everything and doing nothing against his will, except in those cases when it comes to righteousness and salvation itself.ÃÃÂ
Clement of Alexandria
God does not want the death of the sinner, He wants his salvation. To think that God's mercy is not enough to forgive serious sins is like saying that if you throw a handful of dirty sand into the sea, it will become polluted. But the sea will wash this dirty sand, and it will disappear into its bottomless depths. But God’s mercy is limitless, it is immeasurably greater than the endless ocean, and in this Divine mercy one can easily drown all grave sins if one repents of them with all one’s heart.
Divorce is one of the biggest tragedies that can befall a person. It represents the end not only of the love that brought marriage into being, but the end of hope for a lifetime of joy and depth.
Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh
You can never rely on a person. This is a great and fatal mistake. Without God's determination, a person will not protect or console. Man is powerless without God's help.
Venerable Nikon of Optina
For some, the heavy cross of family life may be the only light cross of life that the Lord gave for salvation.
Archpriest Sergius Nikolaev
Most of the insoluble contradictions in life, misfortunes, and internal difficulties that you hear about in confession come from the fact that people live outside the Church, and come to the Church to seek resolution of their difficulties. Neither the determination to change my life, nor even the thought of it; That's why the Church is powerless to help them. Enter the Church, accept the whole order of church life, and then the difficulties will be resolved by themselves.
Priest Alexander Elchaninov
Through fasting, a person turns into a lamb, a lamb. If he turns into a beast, this means one of two things: either that the asceticism undertaken exceeds his strength, or that he does it out of selfishness and therefore does not receive divine help.
Venerable Paisiy Svyatogorets
We are entering today into the passionate days of the Lord, a time when darkness has thickened and when the dawn of a new light is rising, the dawn of eternity, comprehended only by those who, together with Christ, enter this darkness.
Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh
The days of Holy Week are coming, let us not depart, my dears, from our Savior all these days. Let us follow Him with our hearts and thoughts to Divine services and will be accomplices of the Calvary feat, accomplished for our sake by the Savior. And then, on the day of the Resurrection of Christ, the Lord will grant us the highest joy - with all our souls, from the fullness of our hearts, to sing and proclaim the victorious song about the Resurrection of the Savior of the world.
Archimandrite John Krestyankin
It is difficult to learn to live like a Christian, but it is necessary.
It is beautiful and honorable to put up worship crosses, but when it comes to personal worship of the Cross, here we strive to avoid worship. But if you avoid it, then salvation is doubtful.
Archimandrite John Krestyankin
And fasting is pleasing to Me, says the Lord, but one in which, by humbling one’s body, one forgives insults, leaves debts, feeds the hungry, brings the bloodless into the house, clothes the naked. When all this happens during fasting, then seeking Me and approaching Me will be successful.
Saint Theophan the Recluse. Thoughts for every day of the year
On the contrary, it was unworthy of Him to give one bread and one wine: for each of the people can do this a hundred times. He, like God, had to do more; and He did the most; for no one can have more love, even if someone lays down his life for his friends.
Saint Innocent of Kherson
Her cry is more terrible than any cry, because from the Resurrection of Christ we know that the victory of the general Resurrection is coming, that not a single one is dead in the tomb. And then She buried not only Her Son, but every hope for the victory of God, every hope for eternal life. The endless days began, which, as it seemed then, could never come to life again.
This is what we stand in front of in the image Mother of God, in the image of Christ's disciples. This is what the death of Christ means. In the short remaining time, let us delve into this death with our souls, because all this horror is based on one thing: SIN, and each of us who sin is responsible for this terrible Good Friday; everyone is responsible and will answer; it happened only because a person lost love and broke away from God. And each of us, who sins against the law of love, is responsible for this horror of the death of the God-Man, the orphanhood of the Mother of God, for the horror of the disciples.
Therefore, when we venerate the sacred Shroud, we will do it with trepidation. He died for you alone: let everyone understand this! â and let us listen to this Cry, the cry of the whole earth, the cry of torn hope, and thank God for the salvation that is given to us so easily and which we pass by so indifferently, while it was given at such a terrible price to the Savior God , and the Mother of God, and the disciples.
Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh
Christ is Risen! Let us open our hearts to meet Him who suffered and died and rose again for our sake. And He will enter and fill our lives with Himself and His light, and transform our souls. And then with love we too will rush after Him along our way of the cross, for at the end of it our resurrection into eternal life undoubtedly shines.
Archimandrite John Krestyankin
The goal of worldly life of ordinary people is acquiring or making money... Acquiring the Spirit of God is... It is also capital, but only gracious and eternal.
Venerable Seraphim of Sarov
A cross without love cannot be thought of or imagined: where there is a cross, there is love; in church you see crosses everywhere and on everything, so that everything reminds you that you are in the temple of Love crucified for us.
Holy Righteous John of Kronstadt
This will help the spouses: neither of them should justify themselves. If each of the spouses justifies himself, then no matter how many spiritual books they read, they will not receive any benefit.
Elder Paisiy Svyatogorets
The Risen Lord removed the veil from the true God and from the true man and showed us the greatness and beauty of both One and the other. No one can know the true God except through the risen Lord Jesus Christ; and no one can know the true man except through Him alone.
Saint Nicholas of Serbia
Love endures and endures for a long time, and if he does not endure a little, nothing will happen, but he who endures to the end will be saved.
ÃÃÂ By believing that He is risen and alive, we prepare life for ourselves, for He is risen and alive for us. And whoever thinks that He is dead, and not resurrected and not alive, condemns and confirms death and destruction to himself.
Blessed Theophylact of Bulgaria
ÃÃÂ God loves a good-natured world, and God blesses righteous warfare. For since there are non-peaceful people on earth, peace cannot be achieved without military help. An honest and trustworthy world for the most part must be conquered. And to preserve the acquired peace, it is necessary that the winner himself does not allow his weapons to rust.
Saint Philaret of Moscow
Let us try, as much as possible, to help the departed, instead of tears, instead of sobs, instead of magnificent tombs, with our prayers, alms and offerings for them, so that in this way both they and we will receive the promised benefits.
Saint John Chrysostom
In the words of one modern writer, to say to another: “I love you” â is to say to him “you will never die” Â". To love and grow in this love, ascetically, sometimes heroically, means affirming the eternal significance of another person. Now this is not only given to you, it is entrusted to you as a feat.
Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh
ÃÃÂ Make peace with yourself, and heaven and earth will make peace with you.
Venerable Isaac the Syrian
And this is because from marriage, so to speak, they demand “happiness” and at the slightest difficulty they run into divorce, forgetting that marriage, if we understand it in a Christian way, is always a feat, always a struggle, always an effort.
Archpriest Alexander Shmeman
The debt of love is repaid by nothing other than love, for love is satisfied by nothing other than mutual love.
Saint Tikhon of Zadonsk
Of course, over the years of marriage you can meet, more than once, a person better and more interesting than your spouse. But your interest in him should be regarded not as a gift of fate, but as a temptation, a test of loyalty to the Lord. Yes, yes, fidelity in marriage is not only fidelity to the wife or husband, but to God Himself.
Archpriest Sergius Nikolaev
Carnal love unites worldly people externally, only as long as they possess the worldly qualities necessary for such carnal love. When these worldly qualities are lost, carnal love separates people and they slide into destruction. But when there is real precious spiritual love between spouses, then if one of them loses his worldly qualities, this not only will not separate them, but will unite them even stronger.
Venerable Paisiy Svyatogorets
ÃàSuch is the power of love: it is not delayed by distance, is not weakened by longevity, is not overcome by temptation; but, conquering all this, â becomes above everything and ascends to an unattainable height.
Saint John Chrysostom
Saint Nicholas is the people's saint, the perfect image of those who, hearing the word of God, hastened to fulfill it and teach others by their example. This is the reason that Saint Nicholas is revered more than many holy teachers and martyrs. This is the basis for the fact that the Church dedicated to him, in addition to this day, which we celebrate today, every Thursday of every week of the year, along with the holy apostles, â Nicholas the Wonderworker of Myra.
Saint Nicholas (Velimirović)
Are you not causing yourself grief through the uncontrollability of your son? You had to carefully curb him, accustom him to order, to accurately perform his duties, and heal the illnesses of his soul when he was still young and when it was much easier to do this.
Saint John Chrysostom
It will be good if parents show their child that they are upset by his outrages. But let them not put pressure on him and pray. Prayer done with pain leads to positive results.
Venerable Paisiy Svyatogorets
The Kingdom of God has already come when two are no longer two, but one. And, however, this unity, which constitutes the Kingdom of God, is given in embryo, but must be cultivated by feat. For love is joy, tenderness, and rejoicing in one another, but love is also achievement: Bear one another’s burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ.
Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh
Jesus demands love not only as a wonderful feeling, but as a love that permeates everything daily life affecting relationships with all people.
Saint Alexandra Feodorovna
To overcome other types of grief, you need courage; for the coming out of another â wisdom; to get rid of the third, humility. But in all sorrows, with all other virtues, patience is certainly needed. Not a single virtue can take place without patience; virtue, in order to remain virtue, needs patience. Whoever wavers in virtue and does not endure in it until the end, loses his virtue.
Saint Ignatius BrianchaninovÃÃÂ
Empress Alexandra Feodorovna
And you need to preserve your family with a wise and patient attitude towards your spouse. It’s just easy to say: “I’ll get a divorce!”
You can say it when you think and know only yourself, and if you also think about your spouse, and about the children, then you will make every effort so that the children know their father, and the husband - my family.
ÃÃÂ
And yet we should not consider the world around us as entirely bad. We must be judicious enough to take advantage of everything that is positive in it. Much of what at first glance does not have a direct relation to Orthodoxy can be used in the interests of Orthodox education.
Hieromonk Seraphim (Rose)ÃÃÂ
We must feel sorry for those who go against God... Understand, only hell awaits them... If a person does not find God in his soul, his entire earthly life has no meaning.
Elder Nikolai Guryanov
Most disputes between people are useless. They are caused either by the interference of strangers, or by frivolous words, or by the actions of unrepentant sins.
Holy Queen Alexandra FeodorovnaÃÃÂ
Metropolitan Vladimir (Ikim)
Very many parents, who love their children very much, in some way spoil them, not understanding, unfortunately, what harm they are doing to them, for example, when a mother, out of extreme carnal love, hugging and kissing the child, says to him: Ãà “What a good child I have, the best child in the worldÃÔ â, etc.ÃÃÂ
Venerable Paisius the Svyatogorets
When you choose a wife, you must be not only her husband, but also her father, mother and brother. Because she leaves the family in order to be with you and follow your path. So give her the right to see in you the mercy of a father, the tenderness of a mother and the friendship of a brother.
ÃàThe birth of a child â is a gift of God’s grace, but at the same time it is also a new calling, and work, and a cross for spouses. God entrusts and entrusts to earthly parents a baby, still defenseless in body and soul. This is not simple joy, not a game or fun: this is a formidable responsibility - at the Last Judgment, parents will answer before God for the living souls of their children.
Metropolitan Vlpdimir (Ikim)
Whoever loves Christ with all his heart, whoever lives according to His word, fulfilling all His commandments, will be in constant communion with Him, will be under His constant protection, will always be protected by Christ Himself and the angels of God; no true and true evil will touch him, for Christ will be ever present with them.
Saint Luke Voino-Yasenetsky
The only value in life is family. Once the family perishes, the world perishes. Show your love to your family first.
Venerable Paisius Svyatogorts
The roots of ingratitude â are in human insatiability; no matter how much a person receives, everything is not enough for him, he does not thank, but grumbles for not receiving more... But those few who are always grateful for everything will receive great glory and honor, great grace from God.
Saint Luke of Crimea (Voino-Yasenetsky)
The husband is the head of the family not because he is a man, but because he is the image of Christ, and his wife and children can see this image in him, that is, the image of boundless love, devoted love, selfless love, love that is ready for anything to save, protect, nourish, console, delight, and educate your family.
Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh
Our love for each other can be sincere and deep on sunny days, but it is never as strong as in days of suffering and grief, when all its previously hidden riches are revealed.
Holy Passion-Bearer Alexandra Feodorovna,
Life is an art. And there is no general recipe for all occasions. One thing is certain - the vows taken must be fulfilled.
Only that life is worthy in which there is sacrificial love.
Passion-bearer Alexandra Feodorovna
When you expect a little from a person and accept him for who he really is - with mistakes and shortcomings - then there are fewer disappointments. There is no need to idealize anyone.
Archimandrite Raphael (Karelin)
Love does not grow, does not become great and perfect suddenly and on its own, but it requires time and constant care.
Holy Queen Alexandra Feodorovna Romanova
To do any harm to one’s neighbor, or to offend him to the detriment of one’s faith, even if the act for some special reason was permitted by Scripture, means not to have Christ’s love for one’s neighbor.
Saint Basil the Great
ÃÃÂ Although marriage has an earthly beginning, and celibate life is a disgrace to King Christ, ÃÃÂHowever, it happens that virginity is relegated to heavy earth, and married life is not Leads to the sky.
Saint Gregory the Theologian
One must be content with little and only what is necessary and not try to do too much, because then a person will have more time to just sit at home with his wife and kids to do good deeds to pray and generally be in family warmth and comfort, and not be in constant tension trying to earn more and more.
Venerable Paisiy Svyatogorets
ÃÃÂ A child will have memories for the rest of his life of those peaceful, shining celebrations, of those sometimes sad, sometimes solemn motives that are offered by Orthodox Church on the days of great holidays.
K.D. Ushinsky
Meekness and humility of heart are such virtues, without which it is impossible not only to explore the Kingdom of Heaven, but also to be happy on earth, or to feel peace of mind within oneself.
Venerable Anthony of Optina
Holy Queen Alexandra Feodorovna
He who does good to other people acquires a wonderful character, and this is his best reward already in this world.
Archbishop John (Shakhovskoy)
You are a wife, you are a mother, you are a mistress. Responsibilities for all these parts are depicted in the apostolic writings. Look through them and take it upon yourself to perform them. For it is doubtful that salvation could be achieved apart from the fulfillment of the duties that are imposed by rank and fortune.
Saint Theophan the Recluse
As a close, united and indissoluble union, Christian marriage imposes on husband and wife
duty most sincere Christian love. Christian spouses respecting themselves
universal human dignity - and especially our redemption, without distinction of sexes, by the Lord Jesus Christ and our sonship to God - must mutually and equally respect and love each other; on the other hand, in accordance with his natural properties and difference from his wife, the husband must protect, lead and manage his wife, as he is the weakest. But this dominance and supremacy of the husband over his wife is not at all the despotism and violence that a wife sometimes suffers from her husband, especially among the common people; a Christian husband must be the same head of his wife as Jesus Christ is in relation to His Church. But how does Jesus Christ reveal Himself, being the Head of the Church? He loved His Church to the point that He gave Himself up for it. Once upon a time the Church, i.e. all of humanity was impure, vicious and ugly. And Christ did not turn away from her ugliness, but recreated her, corrected her, and forgave her sins. He not only washed away her uncleanness, but also blotted out her old age, destroying the old sinful man. He did not resort to violence, reproach and threats for this, but achieved this through great care for her and selfless love. To cleanse her, He found a decent bath in the sacrament of St. baptism (1 Cor. 6:11; Acts 2:38; 22:16); to illuminate her, He gave her His gospel divine word truth and faith (John 17:17; Rom. 10:8; Eph. 6:17, etc.). He extended his concern for the purity, holiness and integrity of the Church to the point that he even sacrificed his own life for this.
Venerable Seraphim of Sarov
It is simply a crime to suppress children's joy and force children to be gloomy and important. Very soon life's problems will fall on their shoulders. Very soon life will bring them worries, worries, difficulties, and the burden of responsibility. So let them remain young and carefree as long as possible. Their childhood should, as far as possible, be filled with joy, light, and fun games.
Holy Empress Alexandra Feodorovna
And you need to preserve your family with a wise and patient attitude towards your spouse. It’s just easy to say: “I’ll get a divorce!”
You can say it when you think and know only yourself, but if you also think about your spouse, and about the children, then you will make every effort so that the children know their father, and the husband knows his family.
Archimandrite John (Peasant)
Parental love is sacred, but we must not forget that in relation to marital love it is secondary. It is unacceptable for passion for a child to overshadow the marital feeling, instead of strengthening and elevating it.
Metropolitan Vladimir (Ikim)
There are spouses who first of all try to put all other problems in order and only then start thinking about children. Such people do not take God into account at all. And other married couples say: ÃÓLife today is not easy. Let us have one child and that’s enough. Just try to grow one here!ÃÔ And they don’t give birth to other children. These people do not realize how much they are sinning by thinking this way and not trusting in God. God is “compassionate.” It is easy for Him to stop giving children to their spouses if He sees that they are no longer able to raise them.”
Elder Paisiy Svyatogorets
ÃÃÂ
You don’t need to become someone other than the one your husband loved. You need to dress with taste, and comb your hair to suit your face, and everything else, because you are not a monastic.
And you and your spouse should have common interests, and do not confuse him with your ostentatious religiosity, but observe moderation in everything and take into account the spiritual illness that has befallen him. Pray for him secretly.
In a word - maintain peace and love in the family, patiently forbearing with his mental weakness. Faith will come to him in response to your works and wise behavior with him in everything.
Archimandrite John (Peasant)
Think this way (Christian wife): if you endure your husband’s cruelty, you will receive a bright crown; and if you are quiet and meek, then why will God reward you? I say this not to give husbands a reason to be cruel, but to convince wives to put up with cruel husbands.
Saint John Chrysostom
The husband must love his wife to the point of belly up for her, and the wife, seeing such love, must correspond to her husband. Each of those getting married must renounce themselves and instill goodness in the other, and goodness is instilled only by love. We are all human beings who did not come from heaven, we all have shortcomings and therefore should not impute the shortcomings of others to them, but attribute them to their upbringing: if their parents could not give them this, then they have the right to our leniency, to sympathy.
The mystery of the birth of love is a sudden insight into another person of inexpressible, unique, inexhaustible beauty. This insight is always true: after all, the image of the all-perfect beauty of God is hidden in everyone. Each person, seen through the eyes of love, is a miracle - a living icon of the Almighty. Thus, Christian marriage is an introduction to Divine beauty - a daily miracle that cannot get boring. According to the words of St. John Chrysostom, physical beauty through habit becomes ordinary, and the beauty of the soul is renewed every day and kindles a greater flame for itself. And this is the work and work of love: in a distorted earthly world, overcoming spiritual weaknesses and the imperfections of each other’s earthly shell, to preserve and kindle in oneself the consciousness of a once revealed miracle, mutual amazement. This is possible only with the gracious help of God.
Metropolitan Vladimir (Ikim)
When there is a newborn in the house, the marriage is, as it were, reborn. A child brings a married couple together like never before. Strings that were previously silent come to life in our hearts. Young parents face new goals and new desires. Life immediately takes on a new and deeper meaning.
Of course, with children we have a lot of worries and troubles, and therefore there are people who look at the appearance of children as a misfortune. But only cold egoists look at children this way.
It is a great thing to take responsibility for these tender young lives that can enrich the world with beauty, joy, strength, but which can just as easily perish; the great thing is to nurture them, to shape their character. This is what you need to think about when you are arranging your home. This should be a home in which children will grow up to live a true and noble life, for God.
passion-bearer Alexandra Feodorovna,
On both sides there must be a desire to make the marriage happy and overcome everything that interferes with this. The strongest love most of all needs its daily strengthening.
Holy Queen Alexandra Feodorovna
“If you live in mutual love, you will bring down God’s grace upon yourself and your descendants, and God will dwell in you and crown all your undertakings and deeds with blessed success, for where there is love, there is God, and where God is, there is all that is good.”
St. rights John of Kronstadt
“Without being ashamed and without fear of the world, try to give your children a true Christian education, imparting to them only Christian concepts in everything, teaching them Christian rules of life and kindling love for the Church of God and all church orders.”
Saint Theophan the Recluse
Nowadays, it seems, more than ever, those who want to live godly are surrounded by all sorts of inconveniences and difficulties. It becomes especially difficult to conduct the business of raising children in the Christian spirit and in the rules of the Holy Orthodox Church.
Rev. Ambrose Optinsky
Marital love is love blessed by God.
Saint Theophan the Recluse
The main misconception regarding family life today is that everyone is looking for and expecting happiness from family life as something ready-made that they must certainly find without work or effort. But there is no such ready-made happiness of any kind or anywhere on our earth: here everything is obtained through labor.
Archbishop Ambrose (Klyucharyov)
You all want to arrange for the children yourself, but you don’t provide anything to God. And we must give everything to God, without ceasing, of course, our care, but without giving it too much importance.
Saint Theophan the Recluse
“If we care excessively about our wife and children, then God no longer cares about them. If we leave our worries, then God will care about them and about us.”
Rev. Barsanuphius the Great and John
“If parents do not provide proper care for their children, do not teach them reason, and do not instill in them good rules, then the souls of the children will be collected at their hands.”
Venerable Simeon the New Theologian
“Teaching through actions and life is the best teaching.”
St. John Chrysostom
“Fewer words are needed if you do what you should. A painter teaches more with his paintings.”
St. Gregory the Theologian
“Marriage is a Sacrament simply because it exceeds the boundaries of our reason, for in it two become one.”
Saint John Chrysostom
“Many parents teach their children foreign languages, others teach them the arts, but they do not care about Christian teaching and upbringing: such parents give birth to children for a temporary life, and eternal life they are not allowed. Woe to them, for they kill not their bodies, but their souls through their negligence!”
St. Tikhon Zadonsky
The most important thing in raising children is prayer for them.
Sschmch. Seraphim (Zvezdinsky)
“In family life, everyone must forget themselves completely, think only about others, and this attitude of family members towards each other binds the family together so that they all feel that it is impossible for each of them to live without the others.”
Holy Righteous Alexy Mechev
“In marriage, you have to sacrifice everything and endure everything to preserve mutual love; if it is lost, then everything is lost "
Saint John Chrysostom
“This is the strength of life for all of us, so that the wife is of one mind with her husband; everything in the world is supported by this.”
St. John Chrysostom
“The husband should think about instilling piety in the house with deeds and words; and let the wife watch over the house, but besides this occupation she should have another, more urgent concern that the whole family should work for the Kingdom of Heaven.”
Saint John
“Parents who give birth to children and give them a body should, as far as possible, contribute to their spiritual rebirth.”
Elder Paisiy Svyatogorets
"The husband is the head of the family, not because he is a man, but because he is the image of Christ."
Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh
“Parents should try diligently to cut off their passions. It does not matter that they inherited some of these passions from their own parents. They will not only give an answer to God for not making the effort to cut off these passions, but they will also bear responsibility for passing on these passions to their children.
Elder Paisiy Svyatogorets
“When marriage is actually marriage and a conjugal union and the desire to leave behind children, then marriage is good, because it increases the number of those pleasing to God.”
St. Gregory the Theologian
“Accept all the sorrows that you experience through your child as a cleansing punishment for your past, and learn to thank God for everything, consciously and responsibly accepting everything from the Hand of God.”
Archimandrite John (Peasant)
“The bread that you keep in your bins belongs to the hungry; the cloak that lies in your chest belongs to the naked; the gold that you buried in the ground belongs to the poor.”
St. Basil the Great
“Where fighting never ceases, it is impossible to be safe from defeat. No matter how skilled someone is in the matter of warfare, no matter how courageously he fights, no matter how often he inflicts mortal wounds on his opponents, but if he is in the midst of the battle itself, then of necessity he must endure sometimes blows from the enemy's sword."
St. John Cassian
“When you get to know yourself a little, understand your powerlessness to become what you should be, you will stop judging anyone, much less despising them.”
Hegumen Nikon (Vorobiev)
"Love brought down the Son of God to us from heaven. For the sake of love, the Ethereal One is incarnated. For us, the Eternal One descends in time. The Son of God becomes the son of man."
Venerable Ephraim the Syrian
“Where does the demon of condemnation come from? From pride, because many consider themselves higher and better than others. We also condemn from anger, from hatred - from the fact that there is very little love in our hearts.”
Saint Luke (Voino-Yasenetsky)
"Many people think that living by faith and doing the will of God is very difficult. In fact, it is very easy. You just have to pay attention to the little things, the trifles, and try not to sin in the smallest and easiest things."
Archimandrite John (Peasant)
“Those who are occupied with earthly things experience sorrows from earthly things, and those who strive for spiritual things suffer from spiritual illnesses. But the latter will be blessed, because their fruit is abundant in the Lord.”
St. Ephraim Sirin
“Often common things require more heavenly grace than great things.”
St. Queen Alexandra
"New Year for us so far it is only in number, and not in essence, because we all remain old, with the old leaven of passions, inclinations, habits, and have not put on the new person."
St. rights John of Kronstadt
“Let us thank God for all His previous mercies, ask for all-powerful help and blessings for the New Summer, in order to spend it in peace and salvation.”
Archimandrite John Krestyankin
“Before marriage, a person glides above life, observes it from the outside, and only in marriage does he plunge into life, entering it through another person.”
Priest Alexander Elchaninov
“Love is a strong wall, impregnable not only for people, but also for the devil.”
St. John Chrysostom
“Take away patience from love, and it, as if ruined, will cease to exist.”
sschmch. Cyprian of Carthage
“Do not exchange love for your neighbor for love for some thing, because by loving your neighbor, you acquire in yourself the One who is most precious than anything in the world.”
St. Isaac the Syrian
“If you do not remember being angry with your brother and pray for your neighbor who insults and upsets you, you will receive help when the devil tempts and begins to overcome you.”
Venerable Neil of Sinai
“For everything that is inappropriate (thought, feeling, word, glance, etc.), immediately mentally sigh from the bottom of your heart to the Lord and ask for forgiveness and that’s enough. Don’t delve any further, don’t disassemble: I am this, I am that. All the same, we don’t know ourselves and we cannot judge ourselves correctly. Our Lord is the Judge. Our job is to ask for forgiveness for everything, but it is forbidden to condemn anyone, even ourselves excessively."
Hegumen Nikon (Vorobiev)
“He only loves who wishes what is useful for his beloved, and he who does not seek good, he who has said at least a thousand times that he loves, is more hostile than all enemies.”
St. John Chrysostom
“Prudent marital love consists in both the lover and the beloved mutually admonishing each other.”
St. Ephraim Sirin
“Let us instruct our children so that they prefer virtue to everything else, and consider the abundance of wealth as nothing.”
St. John Chrysostom
ÃÓWe are obliged to love everyone, but to be loved, we do not dare demandÃÃÂ.”
Venerable Anatoly of Optina
“What happens between you in the family, don’t take it out of your house into people,
and if you see or hear anything bad outside the house, do not bring it into your house.”
Rev. Gennady Kostromskoy
“It is difficult for someone who is proud to ask for forgiveness. The evil one also does not know how and does not like to ask for forgiveness.”
Venerable Ambrose of Optina
“Only through the eyes of love can we see a person as he is in his very depths, in his very essence, and treat him accordingly. This is how God treats us.”
Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh
“If it is impossible not to be indignant, then at least one must try to hold the tongue, according to the verb of the Psalmist: confused and speechless (Ps. 76:5)”
Rev. Seraphim of Sarov
ÃÃÂ “If someone is offended by you and you know that he will accept your apology with love, then you can ask for forgiveness, and especially when he is sharply offended by you. But this cannot be done until you internally recognize your guilt and blame yourself. And if you know that those people whom you have offended will accept your apology with ridicule, then you don’t need to apologize to them, but blame yourself in your heart and mentally ask for their forgiveness: then you need to calm down.”
Venerable Macarius of Optina
“It is indecent for anyone to correct a brother at the very time when he is sinning against you; and at other times one should not do this in order to avenge oneself.”
Abba Dorotheus
“My joy! Do everything slowly, lightly, and not suddenly: virtue is not a pear, you can’t eat it suddenly.”
Venerable Seraphim of Sarov
“Bound by the bonds of marriage, we replace each other’s arms, legs, and hearing. Marriage makes the weak twice as strong.”
Saint Gregory the Theologian
“True fasting is avoidance of evil, abstinence of the tongue, suppression of anger, excommunication of lusts, slander, lies, and perjury.”
Saint Basil the Great
“In order not to indulge in irritability and anger, one should not rush.”
St. Ambrose Optinsky
“Do not leave children and their upbringing to chance, on TV and on the street. This is a sin, and a considerable one. Pray and, as much as possible, influence their choices in life. Of course, not with violence, but with indoctrination and awareness of the disastrousness of the modern consciousness imposed from outside "
O. John (Krestyankin)
"Every house is a home church named after those saints whose names are borne by those living in it."
St. right Alexy (Mechev)
“The main thing in life is to always do good for people. If you cannot do great good for people, try to do at least a small one.”
Archbishop Luke Voino-Yasenetsky
“Children need joy and happiness no less than plants need air and sunlight.
The richest legacy that parents can leave to their children is a happy childhood, with tender memories of father and mother."
Holy Queen Alexandra
“A mother, giving birth to a child, gives the world a man, and then she must give heaven an angel in him.”
Saint John Chrysostom
“Take care of your neighbor’s personality as if it were your own; cherish his peace of mind as if it were your own; show him affection as you wish it for yourself; console him if he is sad, as you wish comfort for yourself; apologize to the offended; compensate for the offense; replace the loss; condescend to the weaknesses; forgive the sin; extinguish passion with pure love."
St. is right. John of Kronstadt
“No matter who a person begins to build a family life with, he will go through periods of trial. After all, there is no ready-made happiness... Happiness must also be cultivated patiently and with much effort on both sides.”
Archimandrite John Krestyankin
“The birth of children became the greatest consolation for people when they became mortal. That is why the humane God, in order to immediately mitigate the punishment of the first parents and ease the fear of death, granted the birth of children, revealing in it the image of the resurrection.”
St. John Chrysostom
“Don’t you see that a bee, having stung, dies? Through this insect, God teaches us not to offend our neighbors, because in this case we ourselves are exposed to death in advance.”
St. John Chrysostom
“As much as one loves his parents, so much will he be loved and respected by his children when God sends them. This is a lesson of experience everywhere.”
Saint Theophan the Recluse
“If you love someone, then you humble yourself before him. Where there is love, there is humility, and where there is anger, there is pride.”
Rev. Nikon Optinsky
Preserving family peace is God’s holy command. A husband should, according to the Apostle Paul, love his wife as himself; and the apostle compared his wife with the Church. That's how high marriage is!
Rev. Anatoly Optinsky
Having been born a woman, do not assume the importance inherent in a man; Do not be proud of your birth, do not be puffed up in your clothes or in your wisdom. Your wisdom is to obey the laws of marriage, because the knot of marriage makes everything common between the wife and her husband.
St. John Chrysostom
“Take care of your wife as Christ cares for the Church. Even if you had to give your soul for her, even if you had to experience repeated losses, endure something difficult, you should not refuse, for, having endured all this, you will not have done anything yet similar to what Christ did for the Church."
St. John Chrysostom
“First of all, honor God, and then your spouse - the eye of your life, the leader of your intentions. Love him alone, make your heart happy, and even more so since he has the most tender love for you.”
St. John Chrysostom
“What happens not according to you will be of tangible benefit to your soul.”
Venerable Anthony of Optina
“Do not be insistent that every question you have is resolved with a clear answer. You must trust in God that He will send the solution to the question that is NECESSARY in good time, and let the UNNECESSARY one lie unresolved and exercise patience and humility.”
St. Filaret of Moscow
“If there is unanimity, peace and a union of love between a husband and wife, all good things flow to them. And evil slander is not dangerous to spouses who are protected, like a great wall, by unanimity in God.”
St. John Chrysostom
“Children look more at the lives of their parents and reflect it in their young souls than listen to their words.”
Saint Tikhon of Zadonsk
“Prayer for them has a stronger effect on your neighbors than a word to them.”
St. Ignatiy Brianchaninov
“Praying for one another is the best of communication.” (Saint Philaret of Moscow).
“The obedience of a wife to her husband in Christianity takes on a higher character, as one that follows from the fear of God and is equated with deeds of pleasing God, done directly to the Lord Himself.”
St. Feofan the Recluse
“Have your wife as a friend and with strong love force her to be submissive to you.”
Saint Theophan the Recluse
Two are better than one, for their labors will be rewarded.
If they fall, one will lift the other. And if he falls alone
and there is no one to lift it?
Two people lie down and they feel warm,
How can you keep warm alone?
And if someone defeats one, two will be able to resist, and the triple thread will not break soon
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
“A husband and wife should be like a hand and eyes. When the hand hurts, the eyes cry. And when the eyes cry, the hands wipe away the tears.”
Saint John Chrysostom
“Love each other, have pity on everyone, maintain peace at any cost, let the cause suffer, but peace will remain!”
Hegumen Nikon (Vorobiev)
“You want to see that you live well and are saved, but you don’t understand that this gives birth to charm, and our weaknesses humble us. God creates everything for our salvation.”
St. Macarius of Optina
“Happiness in married life is given only to those who fulfill the commandments of God and treat marriage as a Sacrament of the Christian Church.”
Rev. Nectary Optinsky
“Mercy and condescension towards others and forgiveness of their shortcomings is the shortest path to salvation.”
Venerable Ambrose of Optina
“For it is impossible to be saved otherwise than through your neighbor, as the Lord commanded, saying: “Let go, and they will let you go” (Luke 6:3).”
Venerable Mark the Ascetic
“We must be condescending to our soul in its weaknesses and imperfections and tolerate our shortcomings, just as we tolerate the shortcomings of our neighbors, but not become lazy and constantly motivate ourselves to improve.”
Seraphim of Sarov
“Children are living icons, work hard on them, don’t distort the image of God in them with your inattention and negligence.”
Archimandrite John (Peasant)
He who abides in his virtue without sorrow, the door of pride is open to him
Saint Isaac the Syrian
ÃÃÂ “Be as sincere, kind and affectionate as possible to your family: then all troubles on their part will be destroyed by themselves, then you will, according to the Apostle, overcome evil with good, if they have evil against you and express it. "
Holy Righteous John of Kronstadt
“Do not prefer anything to the love of your neighbor, except in those cases when because of it the love of God is despised.”
St. Neil of Sinai
"Parents should not be ashamed of playing and being naughty with their children. Perhaps it is then that they are closer to God than when they are doing what they consider to be the most important work."
Holy Queen Alexandra Feodorovna
“Living simpler is the best thing. Don’t rack your brains. Pray to God. The Lord will arrange everything. Don’t torture yourself, thinking about how and what to do. Let it happen as it happens - this is living simpler.”
Venerable Ambrose of Optina
“If you can’t live with your own sister, then it looks like you won’t get along with the Angel in Heaven - out of pride.”
Venerable Joseph of Optina
“The main thing is that the child is occupied to the best of his ability and directed towards the fear of God. From this, everything that is good and good, on the contrary, idleness and failure to instill in children the fear of God are the cause of all evils and misfortunes. Without instilling the fear of God, what will happen to children? borrow, - there will be no desired fruits in terms of good morality and a well-ordered life. But if you instill the fear of God, every activity is good and useful."
Venerable Ambrose of Optina
“Nothing preserves love better than by forgiving the wrongs of those who are guilty before us.”
Saint John Chrysostom
“The corruption of children comes from nothing other than the insane attachment (of parents) to the things of life.”
Saint John Chrysostom
“Take care not to leave children on earth, but to raise them to heaven; do not cleave to carnal marriage, but strive for spiritual ones; give birth to souls and raise children spiritually.”
Saint Basil the Great
“It is appropriate to have wisdom, but not with your own mind, but to pray to the Lord to make you wise in how to act in raising your children, and to save them from the corrupting spirit of harmful worldly customs.”
Venerable Macarius of Optina
“To love is the business of husbands, and to yield is the business of wives. Therefore, if everyone fulfills his duty, then everything will be strong; seeing himself loved, the wife is friendly, and meeting obedience, the husband is meek.”
Saint John Chrysostom
“Nothing soothes and reconciles us with the actions of our neighbors like silence, prayer and love.”
Rev. Joseph Optinsky
“Every soul that does not know caring for anyone but itself has either already perished, or is on the verge of perishing. Where it is not too late, you need to save your soul by caring for your neighbor.”
Saint Nicholas of Serbia
“There should be no place for pride in family life. You should never indulge your sense of offended pride and scrupulously calculate who exactly should ask for forgiveness.”
Holy Queen Alexandra
“So that people would honor and love each other, not be proud, not be arrogant in front of each other, the wise Lord gave different people their various advantages are natural and gracious so that they need each other. Thus, each of us must involuntarily admit to one or another weakness and humble ourselves before God and people."
Holy Righteous John of Kronstadt.
“Wives, glowing with spiritual beauty, reveal their nobility more and more over time, and the stronger the affection and love of their husbands becomes.”
Saint John Chrysostom
“Husbands, treat your wives wisely, as with the weakest vessel, showing them honor as joint heirs of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.”
(1 Pet. 3, 7)
“In upbringing, neither excessive gentleness nor harshness is required; rationality is required.”
Saint Philaret, Metropolitan of Moscow
“Even if we had everything in order, we will be subjected to extreme punishment if we are careless about saving our children.”
Saint John Chrysostom
“Don’t be embittered by anything, conquer everything with love: all sorts of insults, whims, all kinds of family troubles. Know nothing but love. Always blame yourself sincerely, admitting that you are the culprit of the troubles.”
Holy Righteous John of Kronstadt
“A wife is more sensitive than her husband to everything, which means that a gentle and affectionate approach to her is required, and not a harsh one. Sometimes what is unpleasant for a wife is not what the instructions are given, but the way in which it is done and in what tone.”
ÃÃÂ Saint John Chrysostom
Father Alexy Mechev told mothers who complained to him about their children preventing them from going to church:
ÃÓYour child is your Kyiv and your Jerusalem. Here is your place of prayer and your place of worship—your childÃÃÂ.”
ÃÓGod appointed the husband to be the guardian of the wife. And often he, without realizing it, gives permissions or prohibitions to his wife such as God inspires him. ÃÃÂ"
St. Feofan the Recluse
“The most important thing for raising children is that they see their parents living a great inner life.”
Priest Alexander Elchaninov
Problems modern man in the letters of confessors of the 20th century. Part 7
CHOICE OF LIFE PATH
Monasticism is a Divine institution through which Christianity reaches its highest development. Among the rules of this Divine institution is that people should enter into monasticism with true will and subject this will to strict examination and testing before taking vows.
Saint Ignatius Brianchaninov
Two paths are blessed by God - family and single - monastic. And both of these are ways of the cross. Anyone who chooses his own path should not “double and sway between the world and the monastery.” In his letters, Father John constantly points out that we have forgotten how to think about our actions and their consequences. He advised a person choosing between the world and the monastery to become familiar with the works of St. John Chrysostom about family and marriage and with the exploits of monastic life from the writings of the Fathers.
He asks one of his spiritual daughters to postpone attempts to fulfill her desire to go to a monastery, explaining that she does not have a decisive and responsible choice, and advises her to get a specialty for now that will be useful both in the world and in the monastery.
Every person is responsible before God and people for the choice he makes. Archimandrite John (Krestyankin) writes in one of his letters that it is necessary to have reasoning and responsibility both in everyday affairs and in spiritual life. He tells his spiritual daughter that we must not forget what we have received from God in life, including education, and engage, having other opportunities, in an irresponsible simple task (washing the floors), which gives rise to material and spiritual uncertainty . It reminds of the responsibilities of a mother to her daughter, which are to give the child a real idea of the upcoming feat of life and provide him with a specialty, a skill with which to live. In his letters, he constantly reminds us that, having many responsibilities to our family and others, we often irresponsibly seek a different, dreamy path and achievement.
Father John writes that only after the choice of the person himself has taken place should the blessing of the parents and confessor follow.
FAMILY PROBLEMS...
Family relationships should be subordinated to spiritual needs.
Saint Theophan the Recluse
In the letters of confessors of the twentieth century, we encounter many problems that the modern family faces. First of all, the lack of a concept about the family and its purpose. The family is a small Church, living according to the Gospel commandments, and, according to Archimandrite John (Krestyankin), “the salvation of the whole family is life in God of the whole family.”
A Christian marriage is sealed by the sacrament of wedding, which must be approached responsibly and consciously, because it obliges a lot. Vows of love, fidelity and obedience are made to be fulfilled throughout life. Archimandrite John (Krestyankin), pointing out the responsibility of this sacrament, writes that wine mixed with water during the wedding is drunk from a common cup until the end. “Wine is the joys of living together, water is common sorrows, troubles, pains. But we drank the cup, but we do not want to confirm our vow to God with our lives.”
In family life, Schema-Archimandrite Vitaly (Sidorenko) advises his spiritual daughter to bear the cross with thanksgiving: “We must love, endure, be silent, give thanks.”
Archpriest Alexei Mechev reminds that in family life everyone must forget themselves completely, think only about others, and this attitude of family members among themselves welds the family together so that they all feel: “it is impossible for each of them to live without the others.”
Pastors constantly remind us that human happiness lies in unity with God, fulfilling His saving commandments; you can only solve your vital family problems from this position.
PROBLEMS WHEN CREATING A FAMILY
Those (wives) who shine with spiritual beauty, the more time passes and the more they reveal their nobility, the stronger their affection for their husbands and the more they inflame their love.
Saint John Chrysostom
Father John (Krestyankin), in one of his letters to people who want to start a family, says that one should not rush into marriage when a lot of bad habits prevent one from knowing oneself as a Christian. And during the period of spiritual warfare and formation, it is better not to tie the knot in marriage, which necessarily requires the blessing of, firstly, the parents, and secondly, the confessor. We must try to “test ourselves in pure friendship - it should form the foundation of a pure family.”
He also warns that the sin of premature rapprochement should not be laid as the basis for a nascent family: “Take care of each other. If the future family is based on sin, then nothing good can be expected. And there is no need to rush into a wedding.” A happy family is raised patiently and with much effort on both sides. To test the feelings of future spouses and their responsibility before God for creating a family, Father John offers a two-year “probationary period.” Only by cultivating Christian patience, humility and love in yourself can you unite your life with the life of another person.
Moscow elder Archpriest Alexei Mechev wrote: “Those who are getting married should primarily pursue not external beauty, which is of little value, but spiritual beauty, which is most valuable.” One must learn to cover mutual shortcomings with love, and then through such “relationship with each other, two beings, perhaps at first being completely opposite to each other, come closer and become close and live to the point where one heart and one spirit are formed.”
Father John (Krestyankin) is very attentive to the blessing of marriage with unbelievers and people of other faiths. As a person who has lived a long life and seen a lot in it, as a priest and as a confessor, he knows very well that marrying an unbeliever is a very difficult cross, and for many, it is too much for him to bear. Such a marriage will not be Christian, since a home church will not be built. Archimandrite John (Krestyankin), in response to a written request for a blessing for such a marriage, writes: “You, as a spouse, will not be able to put up with your friend’s dissent, rightfully demanding understanding and sympathy from her in everything. No matter how good a person you are in terms of your human spiritual qualities were, the lack of a Christian core in my worldview will not allow me to raise my hand for a blessing, and you don’t need it.”
In the same letter, Father John notes that he does not bind anyone with his word and every person is free to decide his future life. He does not judge the state of his future wife’s home church, or who bears what cross in it. But there is a cross for salvation, which is carried with the help of the Lord and with His blessing, and there is a self-made one, under which a person often falls, because he has no help from above, and this cross does not console a person with the hope of salvation. “I dare to think that this marriage would have been just such a self-made cross,” writes Father John.
Father John (Krestyankin) also warns against marriages in which one of the spouses already had several families and did not retain any responsibility to them.
“How many wives does your friend have?” Father John asks his spiritual daughter. “And why do you think that you will be better than them... you loved one, made another happy with a child, lulled the third with the prospect of love.”
In another letter, Father John heartily reproaches the woman turning to him: “What are the plans, what are the plans? A secret wedding with someone else’s husband. Are you a believer? If you can think like that and say that.”
The priest is very careful about marriages in which the spouses differ greatly in age: “But your falling in love is a temptation for you. Such unequal marriages even before, with healthier morality, did not bring happiness to anyone, and now it’s completely the right thing to do.” death and unbearable suffering. And you should know the canons of the church - after all, a possible age difference of ± 5 years is no longer acceptable. So leave your crush as an unnecessary temptation for you."
PROBLEMS OF FAMILY RELATIONS
Do you want your wife to obey you as the Church obeys Christ? Take care of her yourself, as Christ takes care of the Church.
Saint John Chrysostom
Among the causes of emerging family problems are such as adultery, misunderstanding of spiritual achievement by one of the spouses, lack of financial support for the family, marriages with people of other faiths, drunkenness...
MARITAL INFATILOUS
Just as cutting the flesh is a criminal matter, so separating from one’s wife is a lawless matter.
Saint John Chrysostom
In many letters we see the efforts of confessors to save the family from disintegration when problems arise, sometimes very difficult. You have to fight for your family with patience and compliance, and divorces ruin the lives of not only spouses, but also children. Therefore, we must do everything to save the family.
Schema-abbot John (Alekseev) reassures a Christian woman experiencing adultery: “Don’t despair, don’t be despondent, calm down. Sin and misfortune have not happened to anyone, says the Russian proverb. God forbid you leave your husband, be patient and pray; the Lord, in His mercy, will help you survive this trouble." Reminds her of the righteous Lot, whom his daughters gave him to drink in order to conceive children from him. The confessor asks the suffering woman not to reproach her husband and not to remind him of this temptation, because in this way she will fulfill Gospel commandment. “If you do this,” writes schema-abbot John (Alekseev), “then your prayer will be purer. Cover your neighbor’s sins and the Lord will cover your sins.”
Archimandrite John (Krestyankin), responding to a letter about his wife’s adultery, writes that “you can’t live like that. Love for three is a great sin.” He advises making every effort to save the family, praying for your spouse and taking communion often. Father advises to talk to her and explain that she has no hope of creating a new family at this age, and before crossing out her entire earthly life and throwing herself into the pool of destruction, she needs to think carefully. “And punishment for her errors from God will soon follow - these are modern serious illnesses. After all, when this happens, there will be no one to give her water.” He asks to show the letter to his wife, promises his prayers, evaluates what happened as “a terrible darkness, and the torment that was found is already the threshold of hell.”
In another of his letters to spouses who lightly regard adultery, Father John (Krestyankin) points out that they do not think about their future, that life is short and there is eternity ahead, it’s time to wake up from a sinful sleep and think about yourself. “If your wife does not think about restoring the family, then do not interfere with her divorce and dissolve the church marriage with the Bishop... when you become free, you will think about creating a new family, but until you are divorced, do not ruin your life with mortal sins "According to the canons of the Holy Fathers, the one who initiates the breakdown of the family must remain alone, and the one who is offended can start a family again."
In one of his letters, Father John (Krestyankin) has to admonish the clergyman. Father writes that the spiritual examination for the spouses has begun, and the time has come to conduct a qualitative analysis of their faith and service to the Lord. If there is a conflict in the family, you should pray and make every effort to save the family, “and you can’t even think about any helper or comforter. It’s sinful. It’s disastrous.” It is possible to resolve the issue of entering a monastery only when the spouse creates her own other family. Concluding the letter, Archimandrite John writes: “Dear father, this is for you the same seal that everyone is afraid of, and without the terrifying three sixes.”
Bibliography
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08 / 02 / 2006
In Rus' they called the beloved man “The Light of My Eyes,” because a man is the Path, an arrow indicating the ascent to the upper worlds.A loving woman looks admiringly at her beloved as a light that helps her not to forget herself.
And the woman’s name was “My Soul.” Because it resembles that for which it only makes sense to move along this Path. Everything is just for the soul. There is no meaning in anything: neither in wars, nor achievements, nor in knowledge, nor in abilities - if the soul is forgotten.
"Very important rule family life - do not share with anyone the problems that inevitably arise between husband and wife. The only exception can be the confessor."
Archpriest Igor Gagarin
A husband and wife should be like hands and eyes. When your hand hurts, your eyes cry.
And when the eyes cry, the hands wipe the tears.
Saint John Chrysostom
“The one who truly loves you is the one who secretly prays to God for you.”
Saint Nicholas of Serbia (Velimirović)
“It is small wisdom to become one body, great wisdom is to become one soul, and even greater wisdom is to become one spirit.”
Hegumen Melchizedek Artyukhin
What is the difference between Love and affection?
- We must fight for Love, but attachment itself fights to enslave us. Love always only gives, and affection always only takes. Love always seeks to give itself and never seeks to take.
- What is a sign of affection and what is a sign of love?
- A sign of Love is the absence of fear of people and circumstances. A sign of attachment is the fear of losing what you love. Attachment requires sacrifice from others. Love is sustained by self-sacrifice and therefore it is permanent. Constancy is a sign of true Love.
- What is the difference between love and passion?
- To love with passion means to kill and corrupt Love itself. God attracts the soul to Himself with meekness and love, and the devil attracts the soul to Himself with sharp hooks of voluptuous thoughts that corrupt, weaken and kill it. Passion is like the splash of a wave in a puddle, and this splash can last a long time. Love is the perfect peace of the vast sea, and this peace lasts forever.
- What is the most difficult thing in love?
- The most difficult thing is to be able to love and not have any attachment.
Monk Simeon of Athos
“By forming one flesh, (the spouses) have one soul and through mutual love awaken in each other zeal for piety. For marriage does not remove one from God, but, on the contrary, binds them more closely, because it has more incentives to turn to Him. The small ship and with a weak wind moves forward... a large ship will not be moved by the light breath of the wind... So those who are not burdened with everyday worries have less need for the help of the great God, and the one who is obliged to take care of his dear wife, property and children cuts through a more extensive sea of life, he needs more God's help, and he himself loves God more mutually... Bound by the bonds of marriage, we replace each other's arms, legs, and hearing... Marriage makes the weak twice as strong... The common concerns of the spouses ease their sorrows, and common joys admire both. For spouses who are unanimous, wealth becomes more pleasant, but in poverty, unanimity itself is more pleasant than wealth. For them, marital ties serve as the key to chastity and wishes, the seal of necessary affection."
Saint Gregory the Theologian
You have been disappointed in many people, but, unfortunately, you have not been disappointed in yourself. Are you sure that you will appreciate a worthy husband and not make him unhappy? That is, God’s providence protects your potential spouse from you. Are you sure that you can stand a husband with a difficult character? Perhaps not. Therefore, God's providence protects you from it. In a family, you need to give more than you demand.
Therefore, before looking for a good husband, acquire the qualities of an exemplary wife for a future marriage: know how to respect your husband as the head of the family, do not blame him for difficult life situations or character flaws that are inherent in all of us; learn to be silent and listen more than you talk. Think about what a Christian wife should be like, get closer to this ideal, and then the person who will be your lifelong friend will appear.
Archimandrite Raphael (Karelin)
How to understand that this is exactly the person who is destiny?
The Holy Fathers say the following:
- if you realize that your loved one will sooner or later lose his youth, grow old, may get sick and this does not stop you;
- if you want to see the continuation of your love in children;
- if you are not embarrassed by material and other life difficulties;
- if you are prepared for possible pain and suffering that a loved one may inflict on you, voluntarily or unwittingly;
- if you are not irritated by the most unpleasant habits of your loved one, and you are ready to endure them even after the wedding, then, most likely, this is your destiny.
If the family is destroyed, then states will be overthrown and nations will be corrupted.
Venerable Seraphim of Sarov
Three main enemies of family life:
1. Disappointment of spouses in each other. A direct consequence of blind idealization in the previous period and mistakes due to the fact that we do not know how to understand people, we do not know ourselves and we do not know who we really need and what we want from other people. Or we want too much from our neighbors and from life.
2. Selfishness, sick pride, bad character flaws: pride, conflict, aggressiveness, irritability, rudeness, intransigence, resentment, rancor, stinginess, envy, suspiciousness, jealousy, laziness. A sense of ownership, excessive demands and bad attitude towards others. Bad habits: foul language, drinking, smoking, etc.
3. Boredom and indifference of spouses to each other.
The first requirement for a wife is fidelity, fidelity in the very in a broad sense. Her husband's heart must be trusted to her without fear. Absolute trust is the basis of true love. A shadow of doubt destroys the harmony of family life. A faithful wife, by her character and behavior, proves that she is worthy of her husband's trust. He is confident in her love, he knows that her heart is invariably devoted to him. He knows that she has his best interests at heart. It is very important that a husband can trust his faithful wife to handle all household chores, knowing that everything will be in order. The extravagance and extravagance of wives have destroyed the happiness of many married couples.
To love means to stop seeing yourself as the center and purpose of existence. To love means to see another person and say: for me he is more precious than myself.
Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh
“No matter who a person begins to build a family life with, he will go through periods of trial. After all, there is no ready-made happiness... Happiness must also be cultivated patiently and with much effort on both sides.”
Archimandrite John Krestyankin
Saints say that when a person finds his other half, the whole world loses the signs of gender. “He” has a “she”, everyone else is just people.
Archpriest Andrey Tkachev
“When the Lord allows you to experience love, you understand that this is true life, and the rest is a gray dream. Only love makes life deep, only love makes a person wise, only love gives strength to bear suffering with joy, only love is ready to suffer for others.” .
Archimandrite Rafail Karelin
“A woman lives more with her heart, a man lives more with her mind, that’s how they are built. Even in a family, a man has more mind and less heart, but a woman has much more heart, and it prevails over the mind. Therefore, a woman does not occupy the position of head in the family: "The head is the husband. But we must remember that a heart without a mind is blind, and a mind without a heart is cold."
Archpriest Maxim Pervozvansky
The weight of the world lies on men's shoulders. If men’s shoulders refuse to bear this burden, the world slides and it is in danger of falling... We must raise men who are strong, consistent, and responsible. Otherwise, only beer, football, a sagging sofa and jokes about what is below the belt will remain in their area of interest. Women will feel this catastrophe the most... women. They will have no one to listen to, no one to hide behind, in fact, nowhere to go. And they will be brave in public, put a good face on a bad game. They will, in a word, depict the pleasure of freedom and independence. But the best friend, the priest in confession, and the tear-stained pillow will know that these women are deeply and incurably unhappy... A woman without a man is a rib without a man.
Archpriest Andrey Tkachev
“There cannot be deep and sincere love where selfishness rules. Perfect love is complete self-denial.”
Alexandra Feodorovna Romanova
Do you want your wife to obey you as the Church obeys Christ? Take care of her yourself, as Christ takes care of the Church.
Saint John Chrysostom
“It is not the beauty of every woman that is gold, but intelligence and silence.”
Saint Gregory the Theologian
“One of the main callings of a woman is to be a wife, companion and assistant to her husband. Without a reliable rear, not a single victory is achieved. Also in the family: practically not a single achievement of a man would be possible without a woman.”
Priest Ilya Shugaev
“It is very important when there is a prayer book in the house, a person who prays. Prayer calls the grace of God to the house - everyone in the family feels this, even those whose hearts have grown cold. Pray unceasingly.”
Elder Thaddeus of Vitovnitsky
Your children should never hear you arguing with each other...even if you raise your voice at each other!
But is this possible, Geronda?
Of course available! Therefore, remember my words well: never have any quarrels in front of children... Never!
Elder Porfiry Kavsokalivit
In the modern world, women live almost like men: they participate in politics, economics, and perform on equal terms with men in sports. But a woman has her own direct responsibility, which she has completely forgotten about these days. A woman should be, first of all, a mother, a teacher of her children, a source of love, mercy, compassion and empathy. And if women forget about this, then men will hate and kill each other. After all, a man is a warrior, a hunter and a breadwinner. And a woman is the keeper of a peaceful hearth. She is always more compassionate than a man and can always help those in need more than a man. She was created to give birth to a child, give him her love and teach him to love.
A woman's first task is to make her family a source of love. A man must come from a terrible warring world and thaw in the family, there he must be warmed by love. This is the most important service of a woman, and it is impossible to overestimate this service! Children appear in families, future presidents are formed, and it is women who raise them. Now, indeed, there are few normal men, but a woman should not take their place and become masculine. Her task is to raise a worthy man! But if possible, a woman can also participate in social activities, but not to fight for power, not to become an iron businesswoman, but to be a light that pacifies, heals wounds, and makes this world kinder.
Bishop of Smolensk and Vyazemsk Panteleimon
A man needs to choose a bride who will follow him “through fire and water.” If you look at strong families, they have just such wives.
Hegumen Georgy (Shestun)
"Spouses in marriage are called upon to complement each other. It is very important to learn to see and appreciate in another what you do not have."
Metropolitan Hilarion (Alfeev)
“If you love a person for who he is, then you love him. If you try to change him radically, then you love yourself.”
Augustine Aurelius
If you reveal the secrets of your family life to other people, then you give them power over your family life. But not all people are decent. Under no circumstances should you boast, rejoice, or share your sorrows. This is an inner, very mysterious life, it must be protected. A person can show weakness in his family, but it was in his family that he showed it; he hoped that his loved ones would understand him. He, perhaps, in another situation would not have shown it, but here he did not restrain himself, he showed his weakness, but not because he was taking it out on his loved ones, but because he believed them. The husband opens his soul to his wife because he trusts, just as in confession one trusts the priest, and when a violation of secrecy occurs, it is very close to divulging the confession. It’s sad when they start making fun of each other, telling secrets, and humiliating each other. This speaks of the depravity of the person who allows himself to do this, of the lack of wisdom.
Archpriest Georgy Shestun
No matter how irritated you are, never reproach your spouse for the damage you have suffered, because he himself is your best asset.
Saint John Chrysostom
Always loving is a duty. Great art is to live together, loving each other tenderly. Everyone should blame themselves and not others when things go wrong. The secret of happiness is attention to each other.
From the diary entries of Empress Alexandra Feodorovna Romanova
A woman can say that she is able to live without a man, but this is an illusion. She can't even be happy when she is the head of the family, because she has to carry two carts. A woman can become a woman only next to a man. And when there is no real man nearby, she has to leave her femininity. You can't be a princess and a draft horse at the same time.
Archpriest Dimitry Smirnov
It is important for girls to look not at the external qualities of their future life partner: beauty or wit are not the main thing for a family man. I knew men who did not outwardly shine with beauty and strength, but were very firm, strong and responsible, real men - “we could make nails out of these people”!
Many modern girls are so active, courageous, and strong that they involuntarily choose their “son” as their husband. Of course, the woman herself will soon get tired of this balance of forces and responsibilities in marriage; she will begin to feel burdened by this unusual role for her.
Be careful if your chosen one looks his mother in the mouth and cannot make an independent decision - in the family you will carry everything, and you will have to make decisions yourself! “I am a cow, I am a bull, I am both a woman and a man.”
What should a groom be like? Responsible, that’s what’s important, a good father has exactly this quality! But a man’s external beauty is a very unreliable guide in choosing a life partner!
Priest Pavel Gumerov
There is a story about a priest who, after seminary, was appointed rector, and he had to restore a destroyed church. His mother is young, beautiful, and he went all into construction. She cooks dinner, he doesn’t come home, there’s no time. Several months passed, a year passed, the child was born. Father is almost never at home. It almost came to a divorce.
Mother says: “Let’s go to the confessor.” Father readily agreed, he is doing a good deed. They went to Elder John Krestyankin. Well, the priest got it well there. Father John explained to him that no high goals are justified if the family is neglected. And if you devote time and attention to the family, then the Lord will give what is missing. Including material wealth.
And sometimes you have to sacrifice material things in order to give more time to your family. Because, well, what is wealth? It will never be enough. And then you look, years have passed, health has been undermined, there is wealth, but the soul is not happy, the person is in a dead end.
Therefore, I wish all fathers to live with their family, not to move away and invest their whole soul in their family.
Archpriest Ilya Zubriy
To love with a relaxing love, to love with a love that allows everything and allows a person to become smaller and smaller, more and more cruel, more and more selfish - this is not love. Love must be demanding...
Demanding in love is reflected primarily in inspiring a loved one, in assuring him that he is infinitely significant and valuable, that he has everything necessary to grow into a greater measure of humanity.
Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh
“Being angry is not useful. With anger you can only... increase the irritation of another, and you can only bring him into a better disposition with patience and peace.”
Saint Philaret (Drozdov)
"Influence good women“It is the greatest power, next to the grace of God, that shapes good men.”
Alexandra Feodorovna Romanov A
And when you intend to take a wife, do not resort to people, but resort to God. Tell God: “whom You want, determine for me by Your Providence”; entrust this matter to God, and He will reward you for giving Him such a high honor.
Saint John Chrysostom
“If a wife contradicts her husband, everything in the house goes wrong, even if everything else is fine. And when there is peace and harmony, nothing unpleasant happens, despite the fact that countless worries arise every day.”
Elder Joseph of Vatopedi
“Let us look for a good soul in a wife in order to find love in her... Look for good qualities in a girl: modesty, piety and piety - this will be better for you than countless treasures.”
Saint John Chrysostom
Sometimes a Christian living in a family where not everyone shares his religious beliefs constrains the lives of other family members, preventing them from doing what, from his point of view, is reprehensible and unchristian. For example, in a family there is a deeply religious mother, an unbelieving father, and children who, although they go to church with their mother, do not share her interests so much as to give up entertainment altogether. New Year is approaching: my husband and children want a holiday. But the mother, considering this holiday “pagan,” forbids the children to have fun and feeds them Lenten food (after all, the New Year falls on the Nativity Fast). Maybe it would be better in this case to sacrifice yourself and your piety, give your husband and children a real holiday, and then another holiday - at Christmas. Then - again and again, until the whole life of the family turns into a continuous, daily holiday. After all, this is precisely what Christianity is about, this is where the highest love for one’s neighbor is manifested - forgetting about oneself, sacrificing oneself and living for others, trying to bring them joy.
From the book of Metropolitan Hilarion (Alfeev) “You are the light of the world”
“In this life we need a sympathetic gaze, a kind word, we need the consciousness that we are loved and believed in, we need the rarest and greatest treasure in the world - an attentive heart.”
Venerable Ambrose of Optina
“Adorn your face with chastity, modesty, almsgiving, philanthropy, love, affability - these are the colors of virtue, with them you will attract the love of not only people, but also Angels, God Himself will praise you for them; when God is favorable to you, then of course, He will bind your husband to you too."
Saint John Chrysostom
"The body can neither love nor hate. The body cannot love the body. The ability to love belongs to the soul. When the soul loves the body, it is not love, but desire, passion. When the soul loves the soul not in God, then it is either delight or "pity. When the soul in God loves the soul, regardless of appearance (beauty, ugliness), this is love. And in love there is life."
Saint Nicholas of Serbia
“In a proper family, from the moment the spouses sign at the registry office, for the wife, the husband’s opinion is law, and for the husband, the interests of his wife and children are above all.”
Priest Ilya Shugaev
Know and be sure that even if you were the most beautiful of all wives, you cannot please the one whose soul you upset. Prudence, moderation, meekness, kindness and an innocent heart, nobility of soul - these are the signs of true beauty. There are so many husbands who lived with beautiful wives, but ended their lives in misfortune. On the contrary, how many are there who had wives who were not very attractive, but lived to old age in complete prosperity?
Saint John Chrysostom
A wife is more sensitive than her husband to everything, which means that a gentle and affectionate approach to her is required, and not a harsh one. Sometimes what is unpleasant for a wife is not what the instructions are given, but the manner in which it is done and in what tone.
Saint John Chrysostom
“To love is the business of husbands, and to yield is the business of wives. Therefore, if everyone does his duty, then everything will be strong; seeing himself loved, the wife is friendly, and when meeting obedience, the husband is meek.”
Saint John Chrysostom
“A wife is a pier and the most important cure for mental illness. If you keep this pier free from winds and excitement, then you will find great peace in her, but if you disturb and worry her, then you are preparing for yourself the most dangerous shipwreck.”
Saint John Chrysostom
“Forgive every man a hundred infirmities, a thousand to your father and your mother.”
Holy Righteous John of Kronstadt
“True Love begins when you give everything you have for it.”
Monk Simeon of Athos
A woman should be generous and kind-hearted. A woman whose heart is not touched by the sight of grief, who does not strive to help when it is in her power, is deprived of one of the main feminine qualities that form the basis of female nature.
From the diary entries of Empress Alexandra Feodorovna Romanova
“You need to love your wife not for her flesh, but for her pure soul and kind heart. A wife has something that her husband does not have; she spiritually complements him, and vice versa. Therefore, in the relationship between spouses, those features of the spirit should manifest themselves with great strength. mind and heart, which are characteristic only of a man and only a woman. The coarseness of a man’s heart is compensated by the tenderness and purity of a wife’s heart, for a woman’s heart is much subtler, more capable of spiritual love. And a wife... when communicating with her husband, she must make up for her lack of strength and depth of mind with his knowledge ", his strong will. A man and a woman must become one body and one soul in marriage. From their union something higher must be born, uniting all that is good and great that is in each of them."
Saint Luke of Crimea
“There are no people and married couples who do not have shortcomings. There are no families where everything would go perfectly and smoothly. But if spouses want their marriage to be a sacrament, if they want to create a real, full-fledged family, they must fight shortcomings together, perceiving them not as the shortcomings of the other half, but as our own."
Metropolitan Hilarion (Alfeev)
During a wedding, they drink from a common cup: wine mixed with water and drunk to the bottom. Wine - the joys of living together, water (and more of it) - common sorrows, troubles and pains.There will be roses only at the beginning of the journey, and thorns (no family can avoid them) will appear later. But their number and severity will depend on your wisdom, and most importantly, love. If your feelings include the apostolic definition of love, then you will not be far from happiness.
“Every day, a husband and wife should be new and unusual for each other. The only way for this is to deepen the spiritual life of each, constant work on oneself.”
Priest Alexander Elchaninov
Holy Scripture tells us that the husband should be the head of the wife, i.e. to have such power of love and care for her, such an ability to support both the spirit and the strength of the soul in her, that everything in her will be directed towards good, and no one is more and more fully capable of doing this except a loving husband.
Archpriest Vladimir Rovinsky
A sign of a woman’s failure is also her spiritual homelessness. What does it mean? Another has wealth, a husband, children, a good apartment, but she’s still eager to get out of the house. But the house is not cleaned, the children are hungry and grab whatever is out of the refrigerator, growing like grass. The husband walks around in wrinkled clothes and is also half-starved, but she “creates” everything, “communicates”, “has friends”. A woman’s lack of a sense of home is a big problem, a real cross for the family. This is moral corruption.
Yes, many women today are forced to earn their bread. But one of them has order and comfort at home, because she always feels like a mother and wife. The other one, even if she is at home, still dreams, yawns, and walks around in her dressing gown until lunch. Or he will begin to suffer - no one knows why. There are also those who justify their laziness by saying that they are supposedly “in God.” If you are in God, serve your neighbor, restore order, create comfort, take care of the children. But prayer won’t go away - tidy up and pray.
Archpriest Boris Nichiporov
The role of a woman in the family is very important. A man expects from his wife her warmth, her tenderness, her maternal love - everything that he himself does not have. In a family, the woman is the heart and the man is the mind. How wonderful it is when a husband opens the door of his house and sees his wife’s smile, her tenderness, her love. But often a man’s mistake is that he does not take into account and appreciate the contribution that a woman makes to family life with her tenderness and love.
Archpriest Evangel Koutras
“In order for there to be peace and harmony in the family, this will help a lot: the husband must love his wife more than his mother, and more than anyone else from his loved ones and relatives. The spouse’s love for his parents must flow through his wife. Of course, the wife should behave the same way."
Elder Paisiy Svyatogorets
When a conversation begins that leads to a quarrel, one of the two, if he is a man of God, must remain silent and say to himself: “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on us.” After two minutes everything stops...
Schema-nun Gabriela (Gerontissa Gabrielia)
The husband is the head of the family not because he is a man, but because he is the image of Christ, and his wife and children can see this image in him, that is, the image of boundless love, devoted love, selfless love, love that is ready for anything, to save, protect, nourish, console, delight, and educate your family. Every person should remember this. It is too easy for a man to think that just because he is a man, he has rights over his wife, over his wife and over his children. It is not true. If he is not the image of Christ, then no one owes him any respect, no fear, no obedience.
Metropolitan Anthony (Sourozh)
The main misconception about family life is that everyone is looking for and expecting happiness from it as something ready-made that they must certainly find without work or effort.
But there is no such ready-made happiness of any kind or anywhere on our earth: everything here is obtained through labor...
Archbishop Ambrose (Klyucharyov)
“There should be no place for pride in family life. You should never indulge your sense of offended pride and scrupulously calculate who exactly should ask for forgiveness.”
Empress Alexandra Feodorovna Romanova
“What happens between you in the family, do not take it out of your house among people, and if you see or hear something bad outside the house, do not bring it into your house.”
Rev. Gennady Kostroma
Strengthen the family, because it is the basis of any state.
(Emperor Alexander III to his son Nicholas.)
If we get married, then we should do it for God. We should not take a wife in order to receive rich property from her, but in order to find nobility of soul in her; we should not mean big money, the celebrity of our ancestors, but virtue and meekness of morals; we should take a companion in life, not a participant in feasts.
Holy Righteous John of Kronstadt
A wise wife should know a number of small “feminine tricks.” For example: do not annoy your husband with requests when he is hungry or tired. And of course, never discuss important matters with him until he has eaten and rested. Remember, in Russian fairy tales: “First, feed, drink, steam in the bathhouse, and then ask questions!”
Another woman's “wisdom”. Men perceive abstract requests and complaints very poorly. For example: “How hard it is for me!”, “Why doesn’t anyone help me?”, “When will you finally do something?” etc. Men are rational creatures, they do not understand well some general calls, they need a plan of action and a specific task.
One day I accidentally overheard a conversation between two women on a trolleybus. One said to the other: “Here, I not only do everything around the house, but I also buy groceries myself for the whole family, although I live with my husband and two sons, they all drive a car, and I carry the bags. Another answered her, sharing her experience: “You’re wrong, it won’t take long to strain yourself. What am I doing? I say: “Guys! Mom is preparing food, I need this and that.” I write them a list and send them to the market to buy groceries. In general, the son cleans and vacuums his room only himself and washes his own things himself. I tell him that my health is poor, I need to be pitied.”
Of course, when a woman gives tasks to her husband and children, asks them for help, she herself must treat her family responsibilities well and responsibly and never forget to thank the men after completing the task, by doing this she will encourage them to continue working for the benefit of the family.
From the book of priest Pavel Gumerov “Family Happiness”»
“If a woman loses her God-given restraint, chastity and modesty, then no one alive soul will not be saved."
Venerable John Climacus
One young woman, in response to her husband’s question why she goes to church so often, said: “They teach me there to love you and be faithful to you.” Her husband no longer asked her about her reasons for going to church.
From the book of Archpriest Andrei Tkachev "The First Miracle"
“As much as one loves his parents, so much will he be loved and respected by his children when God sends them.”
Saint Theophan the Recluse
Love for humanity - verbal fornication, love for a specific person, on our life path given by God - is a practical matter, requiring work, effort, struggle with oneself, one’s laziness. So don’t be embarrassed, work hard.”
Archimandrite John (Peasant)
A woman has household, routine responsibilities - cleaning, cooking, raising children... And all this cannot be done without love. Therefore, the Apostle Paul first of all addresses husbands: Husbands, love your wives. This is the culmination. The husband sets the tone, he is the leader, because he is the head. His first duty is to sanctify the family; do not walk around the house and sprinkle everyone with holy water, but sanctify them with your love. If he came home out of sorts and drove everyone “under the bench,” then his wife no longer wants to cook or serve him. And if he glows, then his whole house glows and will find in it a reliable fortress, full of warmth and comfort. It’s another matter if the husband did not take the place of head, which the Lord Himself pointed out to him, and did not show courage, firmness, wisdom, patience - in such a family the wife will suffer first of all.
Archpriest Nikolai Mogilny
“You say: “nerves, nerves...”,” the Greek Elder Gabriela often repeated, “What kind of nerves are there? Just pride!"
And many, many other holy fathers (especially those who lived in recent times). They are short, laconic, only to the point, the fruit of prayer for a person and the action of the Holy Spirit, but not simply from the mind and pompous chatter, which are filled with letters from people who are not of a spiritual nature. How often his letters put our brains back into place, helped us find a way out of a difficult situation, drove away despondency, and encouraged us.
Below are a few of them about family life.
My dear, the time has come when every sorrow needs to be laid to restbow
and kiss her hand. After all, only sorrows intercede for our salvation.
Yes, I think that at all times our salvation is achieved on the cross. So,
thank God, sorrows tell us that we are walking the path of salvation.
Archimandrite John (Peasant)
Dear V. in the Lord!
If you are ill, who can guarantee your well-being? The family itself presupposes the birth of children, and at the wedding they pray for this and receive God’s blessing for childbearing, but the parents are assumed to be healthy.
What can I tell you? If you had written to me before marriage, I would not have advised you to get married, but now I will simply remain silent. Your cross is heavy, and that’s all. Everything is in contradiction.
Marriage is a complete family with children, and in Christian families, not just one child, but as many as God will give. And infanticide - the death of children - promises hellish torment on earth, and not just in the future.
Pray to the Mother of God of Feodorovskaya and Her parents - the righteous saints Joachim and Anna, and the parents of John the Baptist - the saints righteous Zechariah and Elizabeth. Pray to God and surrender yourself to His holy will.
Dear in the Lord A!
I fulfill your request for prayer for your family. Pray for your spouse, he is suffering from a serious illness, and wherever he lives, he is your spouse.
And if one member of our body is sick, then the whole person is sick. So are you. Let us pray that the Lord will give you strength of spirit and undoubted faith, so that you can be a spiritual support for both your husband and children. And despondency is the enemy’s pressure on you, and you need to know this, and pray, and receive communion more often.
Dear A. and E!
The time of Lent is not very suitable for solving your problem. But since it has arisen, we will pray that on Krasnaya Gorka the determination will mature in both of you to take the path you have chosen in life.
There will be roses only at the beginning of the journey, and thorns (no family can avoid them) will appear later. But their number and severity will depend on your wisdom, and most importantly, love. If your feelings include the apostolic definition of love, then you will not be far from happiness.
And you will take blessings from your parents.
Dear in the Lord Fr. IN.!
Now the time has come for you to give a qualitative analysis of your faith and your ministry. Who has never made a mistake in their life? And now, both for your mother and for you, a spiritual examination has begun, which, by the way, did not arise without your efforts. And you can’t stand it, at the very first stage a comforter appeared. But as God has it, there is a conflict in the family, pray, do your best to save the family. Well, we’re only talking about the monastery when the wife starts her own other family. And you can’t even think about any kind of helper-comforter. It's a sin. Disastrous.
Dear father, this is for you the same seal that everyone is afraid of, and without the terrifying three sixes. What about children! Nobody thinks about them. There is no Duma, but you will have to answer for them.
Dear M. in the Lord!
You can't live like that. Love for three is a great sin. And you need to make every effort to save your family. And the most important thing in these efforts is prayer for your spouse and frequent communion. But let her make a choice after thinking it through. You talk to her - after all, she has no hope that she will start a new family. So she needs to think carefully before crossing out her entire earthly life and rushing into the pool of destruction. And punishment for her errors from God will soon follow - these are modern serious illnesses. After all, when this happens, she will have no one to give her water. Show her this letter of mine. And I will pray for both of you. Such a terrible darkness at such an age, well, death will come. Where shall we go? After all, the torment that has now found you is already the threshold of hell. What then? Think about it.
Dear N. in the Lord!
Your spiritual father answers your questions. And you still have no other way to get out of the dead ends. Pray, ask for God's mercy. There is only one thing I would advise you to think about seriously - this is your relationship with your ex-spouse.
No, my dear, there cannot be a sisterly relationship between husband and wife. And your proximity is not a help to him at all, but, on the contrary, an irritant that pushes him to all sorts of lawless acts.
That’s why you need to solve this problem first of all: either you legitimize your relationship with him and live as a spouse should, or you leave and give him the freedom to arrange his life. My dear, this is a serious problem, and you can’t think only about yourself and your desires here. And pray for your mother and your children. And thank God that He brought you out of the perilous darkness. And everyday hardships and poverty are nothing compared to the spiritual disaster in which you were.
God make you wise and strengthen you.
Dear I.!
According to God's command, you should both receive the first and most important blessing for starting a family from your parents. They are given sacramental knowledge about their children, bordering on providence.
Therefore, your question should not be addressed to me. And the second and also important thing is the blessing of your confessors.
But I would only advise you to begin the Sacrament just before your graduation ceremony at the end of the seminary. And K.’s studies will be in great doubt. Family debt fundamentally changes a person’s lifestyle. And these family responsibilities are paramount.
Dear S.V. and G.V.!
My memory has preserved a memorable date in your life - S.’s birthday, and this same day promised to become a blessed day for your family, when God’s blessing rested on your marital relationship, and this day became the birthday of the Christian family, crowning you with glory and honor.
I really want to congratulate you on this day, since there is no greater joy for a priest to see that the light of Christ’s love and truth illuminates life.
Many, many years of joy, love and unanimity to you.
P.S. I am sending you a folded icon for this unique significant day in your life. From the moment she appeared I always had her with me, even on trips I took her with me. Well, now let her be with you - protecting, sanctifying, admonishing on all the paths of life. Keep the Lord and He will keep you.
Dear V. in the Lord!
Life is an art. And there is no general recipe for all occasions. One thing is certain - the vows taken must be fulfilled. And you, having brought your spouse to the altar of the Lord and promised him before God love, fidelity and obedience, are violating the responsibilities you have taken on. After all, we must wait patiently for the spouse to develop the beginnings of religious concepts.
In the meantime, they are not there, we must give in to him. When you got married, you and he perceived life in the same way, don’t get too far ahead of him now.
You can take cards for now, because there is no question about your religion.
Learn to save your family. With love, compassion and understanding, regain your husband's affection. May the Lord make you wise!
Dear A. in the Lord!
You will have to decide the issue of marriage with your mother and confessor. Introduce S. to both V.’s mother and V.’s father, and the Lord will grant both of them knowledge whether you and S. should start a family. And I’ll also tell you: in any case, no matter who a person begins to build a family life with, he will go through periods of temptation, because there is no ready-made happiness, and it depends not only on the husband, but also on the wife to the same extent.
Therefore, learn and look closely at each other. Make friends without crossing the boundaries of what is permitted. After all, if you put sin at the foundation of a family, then you can no longer expect prosperity.
In your last year at the institute, it will be time to show determination in choosing your future path in life.
Dear O.O. in the Lord!
But it’s true, your eyes are wide open, and your mind is in confusion. If you were alone and were not responsible for your spouse and son, then this could somehow be understood and explained. Well, now I would like to urge you to a sober perception of life and a sense of responsibility. After all, our salvation depends on fulfilling the will of God, and not on self-will.
You are a family man, and everything in you should be subordinated to fulfilling the vows of a family man. Therefore, you should not be allowed to live in a monastery, which will completely destroy your family. And with your zeal you turned your spouse away from the Church and the faith, which means that here too you need to change your dispensation. May God make you wise!
Dear O.!
Take care of your good relationships and do not violate them either by breaking up or by unauthorized actions. Take care of each other. If the future family is based on sin, then nothing good can be expected. There is no need to rush into getting married.
Two years is just the probationary period that will make your feelings deep and tested. Be smart.
Choosing a life path and starting a family is a very serious step.
Dear S.!
Don’t run too far ahead of your spouse. When you started a family, you and A. were unanimous in your ignorance, but now you are leaving your husband, and he is not yet able to understand for whom and why such changes in his wife.
And type C should not yet differ sharply from the one to which the spouse is accustomed. Don't rush to change the outside. But inwardly, the emphasis should be on prayer. After all, A. loves you, after all, he went to church to get married. And now your main task, S., is to save your family. It will be hard for your heart to make concessions to your spouse, but it is necessary.
The Lord sees your suffering, and He forgives us more easily and simply than even close people. May God make you wise!
Dear in the Lord Yu!
The desire to start a family has been blessed for you, but the blessing specifically for marriage with A. The first and most important thing is parental, the second must be taken from your confessors who confess you.
Just remember both, so as not to lay the sin of premature rapprochement into the foundation of creating a family, otherwise it will be difficult to build what you reach for in your desire. And remember that happiness must also be cultivated patiently and with much effort on both sides.
Only when both of you have a deep sense of responsibility before God will the family be built.
Servant of God L.!
Any treatment must be preceded by an appeal to the Doctor of souls and bodies, to the Lord, in the Sacraments of Unction, Confession and Communion. And with God’s help, the disease will be curable. And you need to preserve your family with a wise and patient attitude towards your spouse. It’s just easy to say: “I’ll get a divorce!”
You can say it when you think and know only yourself, but if you also think about your spouse, and about your children, then you will make every effort so that the children know their father, and the husband knows his family. May God make you wise!
Dear N. in the Lord!
What can I tell you? Faith is the creation of life with much, much patience and love. And when faith becomes the cause of ruin, then there is clearly something wrong and rather self-will, when God’s help recedes. Now you have come to faith, but your spouse has not.
And with extraordinary ease, at the word of a stranger, you cut off your half, husband and wife - one flesh. They didn’t think about him or the children.
But when you started a family, you and your spouse were like-minded. And it was necessary to work hard, to bear his weakness, begging for a loved one.
But this did not happen. And now you alone have to bear your self-made cross. But sons need a father, and they will remind you of this more than once.
I promise to pray for you. Well, I’ll avoid advice; the work has been started without me and it’s not for me to complete it. May the Lord make you wise.
Dear M.!
I don’t know what you want to hear from me in response? I can only testify that neither you nor your wife think about your future, that life is short and that there is eternity ahead.
You and she had affairs with others, and you talk about it so calmly, without a hint of embarrassment or remorse. And I would tell you that it’s time to wake up from your sinful sleep, it’s time to think about yourself. If the wife does not think about restoring the family, then do not interfere with her divorce and dissolve the church marriage of the bishop. Only when you become free will you be able to think about creating a new family, but until you are divorced, do not ruin your life with mortal sins. According to the canons of the Holy Fathers, the one who initiates the breakdown of the family must remain alone, and the one who is offended can start a family again.
Pray for your daughter, she was sent to study in a school that I would not wish on anyone. After it, it will be difficult to take the path of salvation, and is it even possible?
Dear N. in the Lord!
I will fulfill the request for prayer, and God grant you wisdom and patience to preserve your family and love in it.
You don’t need to become someone other than the one your husband loved. You need to dress with taste, and comb your hair to suit your face, and everything else, because you are not a monastic.
And you and your spouse should have common interests, and do not confuse him with your ostentatious religiosity, but observe moderation in everything and take into account the spiritual illness that has befallen him. Pray for him secretly.
In a word - maintain peace and love in the family, patiently forbearing with his mental weakness. Faith will come to him in response to your works and wise behavior with him in everything. And A. will find out about his own mother when he grows up, otherwise it will be difficult for you to keep your son within. He, like your V., will not be able to properly survive your “religiosity,” while external. God bless and help you!
Dear L.!
But I think that you as a whole family, and in particular, you forget little or completely to thank the Lord. We must learn to ask, and accept, and thank.
Let the spouse ask for the help of the holy martyr Tryphon.
Let M. not despair and not rush to repeat the mistake. She can create a family a second time according to the canons of the Church, but everything must be done with prayer in order to find not ephemeral happiness for a year, but for the whole of her life here.
And you, L., cannot be discouraged. Firstly, this is a sin and a considerable one, and secondly, the climate in your family largely depends on your condition. Therefore, remember the Lenten prayer of Ephraim the Syrian more often and do not forget to see the benefits that the Lord gives you.
This is obvious to me. And you?
Dear V. in the Lord!
You are a family person, and, therefore, you cannot solve your problem alone, but only with your spouse together. And if the votes are divided at the family council, then the spouse’s voice should be taken as the leader.
After all, family and its preservation are the most important thing, for this is the fulfillment of a vow taken upon oneself.
This is what you should be guided by. But life is difficult now, with the exception of the elite, whom we do not envy.
After all, the main and fundamental thing in life is walking before God and living in God, and poverty not only does not interfere with this, but contributes to the development in us of trust only in God, and believers are not put to shame.
Dear O.!
How many wives does your friend have? And why do you suddenly think that you will be better than them? It is not for nothing that the priest suspended your intentions for a while, because this was done to clarify the situation in your relationship.
And now the fog has cleared around, but not in your consciousness and feelings. Think, O.! What kind of fairy tales about love are there? He loved one, made another happy with a child, and lulled the third with the prospect of love.
And in the end: the modern concept of love, which in no way corresponds to love as a feat.
Dear in the Lord E.!
The feat of the wife's life is over. And she successfully crossed the sea of life. We pray for her and thank God for his mercy towards her and your family, for neither she nor you were exhausted by the hardships of her suffering. And communion and unction before the exodus testify to God’s love for her.
We pray for you and your children, that the Lord will give you the courage to endure the bitterness of the loss of a dear and so necessary person, and increase your strength for the upcoming feat of life.
After all, you have to fit into your heart the maternal warmth of your departed spouse.
Thank God for everything and feel His closeness at this sorrowful moment in your life.
Dear G. in the Lord!
I am fulfilling your request for prayer for you and your loved ones. And you pray to the Mother of God “All-Tsaritsa”.
Indeed, surrender both yourself and your son to the will of God. We will not live two lives, but the Lord knows how and with what to lead us to salvation. So just pray for your son. His work is nervous, and not everyone can stand it.
And also try to thank God for everything, and for sorrows too, because only sorrows also intercede for us for our salvation.
Life is short, we will endure everything, and our Savior Christ God will save us.
Servant of God A.!
You are not fit to be a wife for a priest. You have not yet figured out what you want in life and from life. You still play and play along with your whims.
And the cross of being a mother is special both in meaning and in severity. For the priest, he is the only one for life. And what will it be like for him if he gets an actress instead of his mother? May God make you wise.
Read 1 Corinthians, ch. 13. And in the light of what you read, consider yourself.
Only this concept of love promises a future family life for salvation.
Dear L. in the Lord!
You, knowing your painful condition well, yourself answer the question you asked me. Family life- this is a feat in all respects. It takes a lot of strength: physical, moral, and spiritual to be a wife, a mother, and a housewife.
And if you don’t have these strengths, then you shouldn’t even think about marriage. Otherwise, you yourself will suffer, and your loved ones will suffer.
May God make you wise. Pray to the Lord that He will give you strength to live in God.
Today, April 11, marks the 100th anniversary of the birth of Elder Archimandrite John (Krestyankin, † February 5, 2006)
Here are some of his answers to questions about family life:
Dear M. in the Lord!
But you have to fight for your family; it’s not just your relationship with your spouse. This is the life of your children, broken from early youth.
The first thing you need to do constantly is to pray for your spouse and pray to Saints Gurias, Samon and Aviv for the preservation of the family. Second, and no less important, look into your heart, take a closer look at yourself - is it not your fault that your husband strays from home.
And my prayer is only for your help. Children repeat the mistakes of their parents!
_____
Dear A. in the Lord!
Human happiness lies in nothing other than unity with God, the fulfillment of His saving commandments. So solve your vital problems from this position. You are a family man, and your marriage is blessed, which means the most important thing for you is the salvation of the whole family, life in God for the whole family. This same vow you made to God also includes providing for your family financially. So think and pray about how to implement this in the best possible way. And for this, forgive me, the Lord gave us our head and mind. The confessor only slightly adjusts your personal decisions or plans. May God make you wise!
Dear A. and E.!
Both of you only just felt that there are real values in the world, but both of you have not yet touched them, but only admire them and imagine that you already possess these treasures. No, my dears, such hard work lies ahead of you both that only time will tell whether you will withstand them and become real owners of the treasures. You need to start working to eradicate the mass of bad habits that you have become familiar with. And I would advise you not to rush to tie the knot until you are rooted in a Christian worldview. Now, during the period of spiritual warfare and formation, it is better not to bind oneself to everyday concerns about marriage. Yes, try to test yourself in pure friendship - it should form the foundation of a pure family.
Dear N. in the Lord!
A Christian woman, by God's command, must raise her children in faith and piety and children from her children. Judging by your letter, you did not do this for your children. So they would take care of their grandchildren.
And your husband is alive, and you could only take monastic vows if he wanted it too, that is, by mutual consent. But you don't have this. Therefore, remain your husband’s wife and help your children raise their grandchildren. I cannot bless you to become a monk.
___________________________________________
T.!
Man, you are an adult, and the little that you saw was not without reason alarming you. A little will grow into a big, and your children will receive even less of your attention than they receive now.
And you are responsible for them before God!
Now decide for yourself.
May God make you wise!
__________________________________________
M.!
Are you expecting happiness by basing your relationship on mortal sin?!
After all, you both cannot approach the cup of life now. And if you had asked your question when the thought first appeared.
Now who will be an accomplice in your sin?
Everyone thinks about themselves, but there is no thought about the children, for whom they are responsible before God.
May God make you wise!
____________________________________________
Dear O.O. in the Lord!
If you have never made a mistake in your life, pray to the Lord for your spouse and strive with all your might for family reunification. This is your feat and sacrifice to God. Well, if D. turns out to be deaf and blind and becomes rigid in his fall, then it will not be your fault, and the Lord will comfort you as an innocent victim. Sorrows teach us to pray and feel the closeness of God’s mercy. And therefore - thank God for everything.
We will pray for you, betraying you to the will of God not as you want, but as the Lord Himself!
___________________________________________
Dear L. in the Lord!
Well, how can I help you? The lump of sin, which began with disobedience to the parent’s word, grew, grew, and grew. And just as the son did not pay any attention to the mother’s word, no one, neither mother nor father, will look at the sorrow of children’s hearts. And there is no concept that life is a feat of the cross, where you always have to sacrifice yourself to someone. And only for God and for the sake of God and for the glory of God will there be a path of life to salvation. But for young people, everything is either personal lusts and ambitions, or life is not fulfilling.
Pray for your son, and for your daughter-in-law, and for your grandchildren, because it is also our parental fault that they are the way they are.
Help you, Lord. Pray that your son will carry his life's cross to the end for the sake of his children.
Dear G. in the Lord!
Your Christian patience, humility and love, at least a little, in due time, will do their job, and your soul mate, your husband, will come to life in spirit.
But to do this, start working on yourself: he breaks down, don’t break down. Understand, it’s more difficult for him than for you, he doesn’t know God, and the enemy leads him “even if he doesn’t want to.”
Start praying for him constantly and with a feeling of pity, remember that it was difficult for him from childhood, just like you. And the rest is God's work. Read 1 Corinthians, ch. 7 and remember that you are sick together with your husband, because you two are one flesh.
And the fact that you pray secretly from him is good. This must be done without fail, so as not to provoke him to blasphemy. The time will come when the secret can be done openly.
God's blessing to you!
_____________________________________________________
Dear I. in the Lord!
To be saved, you must not live in a dream, but in real life bear the cross that the Lord has already determined for you for salvation.
If God is pleased to see you not as a family man, but as a nun, then there is no obstacle for Him to free you from family crucifixion.
But this is not the case, and therefore there is no need to pay attention to the demonic jokes - dreams.
Pray for your husband (he is sick), for your son - before God you are responsible for them. Grieve for them and pray - this is your spiritual work for the salvation of the whole family.
But you need to pray for a spiritual father, and if the Lord considers that you need him, then He will give him to you.
May God make you wise!
______________________________________________________
Dear A.!
In words you seem to thank the Lord for everything, but in reality you would cut off and remove the pain with extraordinary ease. And what to cut off - vows given to God.
Your spouse is sick, but you too may fall ill tomorrow. And then - goodbye to all vows. The same goes for my daughter.
During a wedding, they drink from a common cup: wine mixed with water and drunk to the bottom. Wine - the joys of living together, water (and more of it) - common sorrows, troubles and pains. But we have drunk the cup, but we do not want to confirm our vow to God with our lives. You are fighting for the soul of your daughter, but you also need to fight for the soul of your husband - especially since he himself prays, but for now the enemy is stronger. What did Photinia do to help her husband?
Here is my dear A.! Only patience and bearing the cross are commanded to us, but we all run from the cross given by God, and reach for the unauthorized one and die with it.
May God make you wise!
_________________________________________________
Dear L. in the Lord!
To be with the Lord means to do the will of God. It was not without the Providence of God that you became a family man, a mother, a wife, and now also a grandmother. It is in this rank that you should be saved, bearing this difficult cross with the help of God.
Monasticism, about which your thoughts confuse you, is for you a violation of God’s blessing and, therefore, a thought of the enemy.
After all, you, as a mother, should have raised your children in a Christian way. But since you couldn’t do this, you could at least help your granddaughter. And again you only care about yourself.
There is no way for you to go to the monastery. Pray at home, endure from your own, and pray for them all. Yes, do everything with reason, so as not to irritate your loved ones and not cause them to rebel against God and blaspheme against Him.
As the Lord calls: “If anyone wants to come after Me, deny yourself, and take up your cross and follow Me.” But you have decided to abandon your cross.
God help you and help you!
__________________________________________________
Dear E.!
God bless you with love and patience. There was a time when the Lord patiently healed our infirmities through the intercession of those close to us, and the soul matured unseen by us, until one day it itself responded to the love and patience of others. But you are sad about a loved one, about your spouse. And this sadness is intended to strengthen prayer.
But do not show your work and efforts to your spouse, live with him in the same harness, without running far ahead in your religious zeal, all the time feel close to your S.A.M. St. St. Seraphim of Sarov would have put his pen to his lips. Parents are inviolable for their children - even if they suffer. If there is love, then it will give both understanding and sympathy for dad’s condition.
And sometimes you need to go for your spouse so that there is no blatant division in his life between the life of a single person and a family, and don’t get ahead of things - you need to go to the wedding responsibly and consciously, this is a Sacrament that obliges you to a lot. And since there is no such perception of the Sacraments yet, then there is no need to go.
We must work hard, beg the Lord to grant faith. At St. Gregory the Theologian's mother was a believer, and his father was a pagan. I think that there was no question about marriage at that time. But the end crowns the matter. The mother raised the children Orthodox, and the father ended his life as an Orthodox bishop. And carnal love is one of the components of marriage - and it is blessed in the Sacrament of Marriage, and it is a sin to those who dare to worsen the marriage. God has blessed two paths to salvation - marriage and monasticism, and both paths of the cross. Your choice has already been made, and you must carry your cross to the end with love and desire. And how do you know whether you will not save your husband, who is being sanctified by his believing wife? Read 1 Corinthians, ch. 7. There is an answer for you.
We pray for S., may God give you strength of strength and delicate wisdom, so that, invisibly for your son, direct him away from influences that are harmful to him (especially from modern music, which upsets the psyche of the healthy, and not just the sick).
Dear E., thank you for everything, and forgive me for your courage! We have been praying for your family for a long time. We met M... A M. and it’s time to be, if not the center (this is dad’s place), but still a support for you. She's old enough now.
Dear V. in the Lord!
Without A. turning to God, who can help him? Pray for him your mother's prayer. After all, it’s probably your fault that in your son’s soul there are no true concepts about life and its real values. I am including a prayer with which you ask the Lord every day for a son. The fact that they are baptized is, on the one hand, good, but have your children received communion, do they have an understanding of God and the Sacraments of the Church? Probably, not.
So irreparable troubles arise from this. And my prayer for my son is only to help you, your mother.
May the Lord make you wise and strengthen you in the struggle for the soul of your son!
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Dear V. in the Lord!
Your path has already been chosen and you have a daughter in your care, for whom you are responsible before God.
M. attracts the world - that’s how it should be. Your task is to instill in her a taste for goodness and teach her to understand what is good and what is sin and evil.
The order: “March after me to save yourself,” will do nothing.
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